For Today

I am feeling Happy As A Clam today. 

Which got me thinking what does that mean.  I of course headed straight to my friend,

Google, for the answer.

And what I found out is that this saying started because an open clam looks like it is smiling.  The original phrase was Happy As A Clam At High Tide.  Clams would be the happiest during high tide since they cannot be dug up and eaten by humans or predators during high tide.  I guess that would make me pretty happy if I were a clam. ge

Keeping it Real

The church often teaches us how we should behave, what our opinion should be in regards to moral ethics, etc.  For example it is wrong to get a divorce.  It is wrong to have conflict within your family.  Granted I am turning these issues into absolutes which isn't really what we are taught.

But for my story it shapes what I think about Christian values.  I feel like we should all be able to get along but reality is we don't.  I feel like people get divorced way too easy and shouldn't always take that easy way out but reality is different.  I don't believe abortion is ok but reality is I can understand why it is legal even though I personally think that should not be a form of birth control.

I can apply each of these values to my own family.  If I did there wouldn't be people I don't really speak to, there would only be happy marriages, and I would have a few more nieces or nephews.  But the reality is I don't speak to a couple members of my family and can't really see that changing anytime soon.  I would love for a member of my family to get a divorce even though it will be the hardest thing for her to go through.  But her current situation is not good for anyone especially her and her kids. 

I am the type of person who likes to fix things or help others and most of these situations are out of my control.  Sometimes I feel like I am a bad Catholic since I can not seem to let go of what has hurt me.  I think I have forgiven but it is more I refuse to put myself back in that same situation again.  Nothing has changed with the people I don't speak to and I can't go back to being a part of lives that have a negative effect on me.

I don't tell "people" about all of this.  Not even my husband too much since he doesn't really like to talk about it.  Or acts like he doesn't.  He knows enough about it but not how my heart feels about it all.  I feel guilty at times but my head sets my heart straight. 

My grandfather knew the reasons why I don't speak to my mother or youngest sister and he understood and stood by me.  He never judged me poorly and loved me unconditionally.  He even agreed with me but he still felt bad since this was his daughter we were talking about after all.  He passed away in Feb and I miss him terribly.  This month he would have been 97. 

This month has been difficult for me with a family reunion where my grandfathers presence was incredibly missed and then what would have been his birthday.  Add my mothers poor timing to phone harass me and I haven't had it easy.  I would be fine all day but then it would hit me after everyone went to sleep and I was the only one still up and alone.  I was feeling better this past week but I have made slip ups and shared some of my problems with Fr. (no real details, just generalizations) and another woman during a conversation that ended up hitting too close to home.  He spoke a bit about reconciliation in this weeks homily and requested all of us to see the positive in life and not just the negative.  I have since apologized to him for letting my problems slip out which he of course graciously said was not necessary.  But then offered to talk about it all if I ever want to.  I may take him up on that someday.  I don't know if I can right now. 

I know in my head and my heart that I am a pretty happy person.  I have so many blessings.  Life could be sooooo much worse.  For that I am thankful.  I count the blessings of having our parish and priest as some of the best coping mechanisms a person can find.

Bible Reading and Other Stuff

I haven't gotten back to reading more of the bible since my last post on it.


I think I still want to continue but I haven't felt that motivation in awhile. I think since I was at an uninteresting part that seemed to drag on and on it tempered my enthusiasm for it.

I like the idea that if you go to mass and read the daily readings every day after 3 years you will have read the bible. On the other hand I like when I hear or see a reading that I have already read and can put that into context of where it is in the bible.

Maybe I will just decide to take a break and start back up again when the weather is much cooler and I don't feel like I want to be out and about doing things.

I have still been busy volunteering which is taking up a lot of my time but I love it.  For them it is work simply because that is where their jobs are but for me it is my choice to be there and do things.  I can see now why people who are lucky enough to do what they love can view it as fun and not a job. 

It has been hotter than hot around these parts which makes me a little crabby if I have to spend too much time outdoors so tomorrow promises to be super fun(bathed in sarcasm).  We are going to some safari type thing an hour and a half from home to try to see and feed animals in 92 degree hot and humid weather.  Then sit outside and picnic in the hot smelly place.  Fun, right!?  I have to try to not complain otherwise they may try to feed me to the animals.  :-)
I just hope the animals try to venture out of the shade so we can see something close. 

What are you doing this weekend?

Investigation

There have been many church closings and mergers in our area.  It has been a long and difficult road for many many people.

Everyone has been impacted in one way or another. 

Everyone from parishioners, school children, pastors, church staff members, communities, everyone.

But we must move forward.  We must find a way to keep our faith and find a new way.  A new home.

And we have been trying to do just that.  For the past 18 months we have been trying to figure out who we are as this new parish.  I was lucky enough that the building where I have always gone to mass is still open but that is the only thing that remained the same.  The staff only has 1 member left from prior to the merger of our 2 parishes.  The pastor is different.  And change is hard.

But the only constant in life is change.  Sometimes we want to fight it so hard and refuse to see any good in the change.  For me some of the changes have been harder than others. 

But I love the new pastor and some of the staff as well.  I have hope and faith that we will find our new way and it will be better.  We have the choice to make it better if we choose to have faith.

There have been people who have written to the Vatican because they are so unhappy with these changes.  They have started petitions against the new pastor when none of this was his fault.  The pastors too are doing the best they can.  There are people who are refusing to move forward.  So now there is an investigation into these changes made by our bishop.  And I worry some things may change back.  And I don't want to go back.  I like where we are headed. 

While some of these changes have been difficult, I feel very blessed to receive them.  So I pray...

Is it Me??

In trying to live my motto I am trying to do more of the things you should do even when you don't want to. 

For example, I used to be really good at sending cards to people for what ever reason.  And even sometimes just because.  Recently there has been a man who was on the RCIA team when we went through it that has been really sick.  We have now send him 2 cards over the past couple months.  Just a nice little something to let him know we hope he is doing ok. 

Another example, we went to a wake for another RCIA member whose niece passed away.  We don't really know them extremely well but we went anyway.  We only stayed a few minutes but we did the nice good thing.

Ever since my grandfather passed away in February it is extremely difficult for me to be at funerals, wakes, memorials, etc.  But I am committed to my motto and therefore I have been going anyway.  Even when it makes me feel like I can't breathe.

This past week Father's aunt passed away.  I verbally told him I was sorry.  I left a card in his office for him and his family.  And when I found out the funeral mass was only 3 miles from my work I got a co-worker to go with me as our lunch hour.  There was a handful of other people from our parish there but not too many.  It could have to do with the location of the church where the funeral was held but I don't know.  He presided over the mass and everything.  He seemed genuinely surprised and happy to see me when I went for communion and told me thanks after.  For me it wasn't much out of my day to do the nice, right thing.  But I have to admit I was surprised by who was not there.  There were members of the staff that were not there.  To me that is disrespectful.  Not only is he their boss but they work for the church.  They should demonstrate an ever higher moral character and stand as the examples.  The only way I feel it would be ok for them not to be there is if he specifically asked them to stay behind at the rectory or there was an event pre-planned.  Otherwise I think it is wrong.

Which begs the question of Is it me????  Or am I wrong?