There is a little known fact about me that most people don't know or don't remember. It doesn't really affect me daily but there are times it comes and smacks me in the face.
Now is one of those times.
You see when I was not even 2 years old my mom and dad got a divorce. He used to pick me up on Saturday mornings and take me to breakfast. I can still remember what the restaurant looked like. I would always order pancakes and then he would take me home. I was probably only 2 when all this would happen. Then I remember waiting for him one time and he never came by again. Ever. I remember being so sad we weren't going to go for breakfast. Maybe that is why I love breakfast food and especially pancakes to this day.
Fast forward a few years and my mom gets re-married. I was 7. For my 8th birthday he adopted me and my name changed to their last name. I remember it was an adoption/birthday party. So now I have a dad again. Sort of.
Through all of this I had my mom's parents, my closest and dearest grandparents. They were always there for me then and to this day. Sadly this grandma, Grammy, passed away when I was in my early 20's. She didn't see me get married nor did she see my daughter. She meant the world to me and I still miss her so very much. She taught me to make chocolate chip cookies that my grandfather, Poppy, would love for us to make for him. That and pies. I am passing on the chocolate chip cookie tradition to my daughter and I still make them frequently. Poppy is still living but lives far away and I haven't been able to see him in a couple of years. I was hysterical when Grammy passed away and I will be again when Poppy passes away. Sadly I know this will be in the next several years as he is 94 this year.
So I get adopted by my step-dad and now I have his parents for a whole other set of grandparents. They have always lived close to us but we weren't close. I remember from the beginning they didn't really like me. They always tried to change me, my appearance, etc. I remember she didn't like how my thumb nails looked and wanted me to squeeze them to make them have a different shape. Things like that. Things that hurt. That do hurt.
Then my mom has 2 more kids. Now they finally have grand kids. Hey, what about me. And from there I practically didn't exist except to be that kid that came with that awful woman he married. Because I was linked to her as I got older the more distance they kept from me.
To the day that grandmother died 2 years ago she really didn't want much to do with me once my sisters were there. And because she didn't that grandfather also didn't. I remember when I was young and buying my first car I asked if he could co-sign and he said he wouldn't do it and wouldn't even do it for their neighbor kid who asked them. They put me in the same category of some neighborhood kid. I never asked them for anything ever again. Not even a penny. But my youngest sister that I don't associate with for many reasons would steal from them. She would milk them for all the money she could. They supported her for so many years it was sick. Even my sister that I am extremely close with had asked them for money over the years. She, however, gave back to them of her and her time. She was there for them as they were there for her.
Now that that grandfather passed away last month we have their will. They didn't really have much. I was able to get some mementos from their house as was everybody. But they owned their house free and clear plus I am sure he had a good savings account as well as a car in great shape with little to no miles on it. All of these have to be sold for the estate. I knew I was mentioned in the will but didn't know in what fashion until today. I am being given a small fixed amount of money. And I mean small. I didn't expect much. And it really isn't about the money. My other 2 sisters and my uncle (their only remaining son) will be splitting the rest.
It really isn't about the money. It is what that money represents. It just slaps me in the face again that I was not their grandchild. And that hurts still...