Tuesday, February 27
Then the temps took a nose dive and we were colder than Alaska. Weather wise February was a nasty month. It is just about over and is still keeping us on our tows.
But before it would leave it felt the need to leave me with a little surprise. Not a good surprise but a sniffly, coughing, aching, fever type of surprise.
Beginning last Saturday afternoon I started with a fever. So I spent the rest of the day on the couch (besides cooking dinner). Sunday I felt better and the fever was gone. I still didn't feel great but definitely better.
Monday morning I get up and I am just fine.
I get to work and then the sneezing starts. But evening the dry cough. But 8 I am the sneezing, running nose and dry cough. I take some meds which help a little. So by 9 I can't talk. My husband of course thinks I am exaggerating and keeps getting me to try to repeat what I said about 24. I finally get it out which send me into a coughing fit. Needless to say he didn't ask me to use my words for the rest of the night.
Today. Repeat. Last. Night. But. At. Work.
Friday, February 23
Plus someone sent me this link. I needed that.
Yesterday I was in no frame of mind to contemplate spinning on one foot at skating last night. But we got there (early) and I just relaxed a bit. I did the spinning on one foot and didn't fall so yeah for me. But then we did some jumps. I didn't want to leave. I wish I could remember the names of them. I got home with a big smile on my face. I just love to skate. I am a bit sad that this is our last 6 week session before it ends for the summer. This morning driving in to work I had a thought. I would love to get good enough to become an instructor for the little ones. I don't think I would be able to teach more advanced but maybe someday.
I am officially in skater training. I need to lose several (to put it mildly) pounds and what greater motivator than to be able to do something I love better. I am hoping this is the key to making me stick to it. I have been trying for a long time but without much luck. I have joined WW and hope to be back on track. One of my biggest challenges is that I love to have cereal in the morning. I am proud to say that I have successfully made this whole week with no cereal. I have had my oatmeal everyday with the exception of yesterday I had a bagel. So I hope to see some change on the scale when I weigh in on Monday. Wish me luck.
So happy TGIF everyone.
Thursday, February 22
That is how I have been feeling. I can't shake this funk I seem to be in. I know a lot has to do with work but that is not something that I can change right now.
I work in an environment that is mostly women. And the women in power have no kids. I think that speaks volumes. They seem empathetic to the working moms but I don't think they really get it. They don't understand what it means to have someone else's life completely in your hands. To be responsible for that little person's every need/move. To daily be told to just ask my boss if I can stay home another day with her. To have someone cry because all they want is for their mommy to stay with them so they don't have to go to someone else's house to be watched. To have this little person grow up so quickly that you are so unsure of your future and how life will be when she doesn't worship the ground you walk on. To love someone truly more than life itself. To say you would die so that this little person could live and really mean it. Until you are a mom you really can't fully understand this. You can logically think that but you cannot feel it.
You would think that a bunch of women could get along. You would think that they wouldn't stab you in the back every chance they can. You would think that people could mind their own business and stop making up stories that they believe to be true. You see I don't partake in those activities therefore I am somewhat an outsider even in my own department. I have been in this department for just about 7 years. You would think I would have made a close friend by now. Sadly every time I try to trust someone they turn around and stab me in the back. I am really struggling with it right now. I know I will get over it and move on but each time it happens it takes a little bit more of me. I don't talk too much about my personal life. I will talk about Belle some but not really about the stuff that matters. I don't want these people to know anything more about me. I now feel that any little detail about my life will at some point be used against me. That is a very lonely feeling. For example, if they knew that my husband picks up Belle usually then they could change my hours on me without me having an excuse. I have been accused of being sneaky because I went out to lunch instead of staying at my desk. That came from the person who called another co-worker to open her office door and turn on her fountain so that it would look like she was in already and not just leaving her house. I think people feel this need to hurt me because they don't understand me so I am an easy target. And because I refuse to kiss any one's ass or tattle on others I am not high on the favorite list. I think my boss likes me well enough but I wouldn't be on the keep list if she were Willamina from the Ugly TV show.
I am just tired. So very tired of living life like I am in junior high school. I am a fairly easy going person so I am able to still get along. It is just days like this that bring me down. I am just so done with most of these people. I can't be the fake two faced person they want me to be. I just can't do it. I just need to remember that the reason I work is not for this career but for my family. I am truly happiest when I have a day off.
I don't share these thoughts and feelings with my hubby since he can't understand. And all it would do is to make him paranoid that I am losing my job. Which is so not the case as these are mainly my issues and no one knows I feel this way.
I will climb out. It will just take me some time.
Wednesday, February 21
What is up with Britney's head?! Who does that! She is so whack. Her poor kids will have a lot of hurdles to overcome and I bet money won't be the solution. Hopefully they can grow up to be good contributors to society. We don't need any more crazy rich kids who feel they can do whatever they want whenever they want.
I also feel really sorry for Anna Niccole's baby girl. I wonder if all of these men would be fighting over her if she didn't have a nice inheritance coming her way. Also why is everyone fighting over the burial. If she expressed her wishes then let them be.
I was driving to work this morning and two cars behind me there was a crash. That was a little weird. If I had been just a few seconds slower at some point this morning that would have been me in that car crash. It wasn't anything serious but who cares.
Today is ash Wednesday so everyone will be walking around with dirty foreheads. ;-)
It is foggy.
This afternoon is Belle's kindergarten assessment/orientation. God help me.
Wednesday, February 14
Belle and I played inside and watched Cinderella III. I never knew there was a number II.
She took a nap so I cleared our driveway. I started with the snow blower and then ended up having to shovel a huge portion as it stopped working. So I am sure I will be in the dog house when my husband gets home. So now the driveway looks like this.
Here are some other photos of our yard. Now that they can be seen. Sadly it is tooo cold to play outside and make a snowman. Oh well.
Somewhere under this pile of snow are my rose bushes. I hope they survive.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!
Tuesday, February 13
Friday, February 9
I think my tv watching is catching up with me. I had a couple of late nights this week. I don't get to really sit down and watch the shows when they are on so we tivvo them and watch them either later that morning or I will turn them on and watch while getting ready for work in the morning.
This week started late on Monday from watching Prison Break and 24. Then on to Tuesday which wasn't too bad time wise. Wednesday was another late one with the return of Lost at 10pm. Definitely past my bedtime. Last night I was up past 10 again but that is because we stayed a little bit for the open skate after our lessons.
So now it is all hitting me at once while I try to read my emails.
bonk. OUCH. Now my forehead hurts from hitting it on the keyboard as I fell asleep for a moment.
Oh boy, wish me luck. I really need to get some work done.
Thursday, February 8
When it comes to my husband things are different. I have never been one to call some random person honey or sweetie. And that goes for my husband as well.
His pet names tend to be:
He knows I say these in the most loving way. I never say them when I am mad or to be mean.
Last night was no exception. He did or said something (obviously it left a lasting impression) and my reply was, "You are such a butt munch."
Belle then says, "Yeah a butt munch" quietly. I tell her that she really shouldn't call daddy that and only mommy is allowed to tease daddy like that.
She says, "OK".
A little while later I am getting her ready to take her bath and she tells me that I am a munch butt. I of course start laughing and ask her where she heard that. She tries to think of where she heard it and came up with a couple of possibilities.
I ask her if she was trying to say butt munch instead like mommy was saying earlier. She denies it but that is really it and I can tell she doesn't want to admit it. Now I am cracking up.
Again I remind her that we can tease each other nicely but she shouldn't say that to anyone else.
I can see it now. A message on my answering machine from the school or another parent. "Your daughter has been calling people names. We can't get her to stop calling everyone a munch butt. Can you please tell her it is butt munch and that it is not nice to call someone that?"