Touched

It is amazing how one person can touch another person's heart at any given time. 

I like to believe I touch other people in ways that is beneficial to them but I know there are people who touch my heart. 

In our times of greatest need you really find out who will stand by you.  Through thick or thin.  And people who will love you unconditionally.  And sometimes the people that you think will be beside you in your worst moments are not the ones who actually do it.  It isn't an easy thing to stand by someone at their worst.  Sometimes our self preservation is at war with standing by someone else.  And when it comes down to whether or not we will be there for someone else sometimes simply boils down to can we live with ourselves while being there for someone else.  Sometimes these are not easy questions or answers.

If you had to count how many people love you unconditionally, how many can you come up with?  For me I would say 2 maybe 3.  But my answer for how many people I love unconditionally is probably the same number.  Funny how love works. 

And if someone makes a mistake should they be persecuted for the rest of their life?  If someone can so thoroughly forgive the murderer of their son should someone who makes financial mistakes pay a higher price?  Or can they both be forgiven. 

During this week of Thanksgiving I am reflecting on so many of these ideals.  And I am giving thanks for the many blessings I have.  I have one less person who loved me as I loved him unconditionally in my life this year but I am still thankful for the 41 years 9 months and 2 days that I had my grandfather with me.  I miss him terribly but he will always be in my heart.

Connections

Did you ever feel a connection with someone?

Did you ever wonder if they felt it too? 

And I don't necessarily mean romantic connections.  Just that feeling like you and another person have something special. 

I was listening to my favorite show on the Catholic Channel on XM radio yesterday and they have a priest who is one of the hosts and this subject came up.  The other host asked the priest if this is talked about in the seminary.  And how are they instructed to handle it.  He had said he heard that priests will fall in love with someone every 10 years.  Father said he didn't know about the every 10 years part but in the seminary they definitely go over how to handle being attracted to women or even feeling a special connection with someone.  Basically it is OK even though they can't do anything with those feelings.  I wish I could have heard the whole conversation.

I guess I hadn't really thought about it from the priest's perspective.  Many people probably adore them for many different reasons but what makes a priest feel a connection with someone else.  And I would have to think in so many ways that has to be hard to handle.  And sadly I can see many women thinking the collar is no deterrent.  Boy, I wouldn't want to be a priest having to deal with over jealous women.  :-)

I know a couple people who used to be either a nun or a priest but I am not in the position to ask why they left.  Although, both are married. 

The question still remains...

If you feel a connection to someone how do you know if they feel it too?

Happy Halloween

This is going to be another crazy day/week for me.  I feel like everyday I am just trying to meet that day's deadlines.  I know there are more deadlines looming but I can't even think about them unless they are due TODAY.  I am trying to get a grip but so far not so good.

So today's post will be short and sweet but not before I leave a funny observation I have had over the past couple of weeks or so.
-- Just because someone works in a church it doesn't mean they don't talk smack about each other.--

The drama and back stabbing is amazing.  And they all confide in me.  Another funny thing that was said to me is that one of the rectory volunteers was told by the secretary that I know Father better than the secretary does.  How would that even be possible.   That is very funny to me.  And sadly may be true.  I think they are a bit scared of him.  Which again is funny to me.

Anyway, that is all I have for right now.  Sad I know.

But Happy Halloween!!!!  (that is also causing me drama but I will wait to see how it plays out before I share).

Vacation

Sorry so much time has passed but I have been busy. 

Let's see, I spent 9 days in Disney which was awesome as usual.  I just love it there.  This time we ventured over to Universal and that was good and it was cool to see the new Harry Potter area but I don't feel the need to go back anytime soon.  They just really missed the mark.  They had the chance to make that the most amazing thing but they didn't make it big enough.  It gets soooooo crowded you can't even see anything or enjoy yourself.  The little shops and restaurants are elbow to elbow with just a few people in them. 

My daughter fell in love with our waiter at the Crystal Palace, though.  He was just so nice and good to her and us.  His Australian accent didn't hurt anything either.  She even said he was one of the best parts of the whole vacation.  I want to write a letter to them to tell them how good he was. 

Since getting back things have been crazy busy (although when aren't they).  I am trying to get everything caught up so I can start reading my daily readings and the Bible again.  It is making me antsy not having the time to do those things.  All is still really good with my volunteering at the rectory still.  I am grateful for that.  Even though there are a couple things that I find mildly frustrating I still love it.  My biggest thing is I just wish I could run with the projects and not have to wait on a staff member to try to coordinate when that staff member is dragging their feet a bit due to either no time or lack of focus.  It just puts me in a bit of a difficult spot when the pastor is looking to me to get it done.  I just don't want to step on any one's toes.  I just need to figure it out and go from there. 

Ok.  I need to get some more stuff done.  Hopefully, I will be able to check back in sooner.  :-)

To Vent or Not

I am not sure how I can go from a post about inspiration to a post about venting but it seems that is what I may do.

I have been told in not such a nice way that I am different.  I don't think I am.  The only thing I am sure about is that I have less patience for people being mean or unsupportive to me.  And I am spending a little time (maybe on a busy week 2 days totalling 4 hours or so away from home) volunteering.  The rectory has really become my happy place.  It is quiet and people are nice to me there.

The only things I am not doing at home as often are cooking dinner and sitting and watching tv with the other people in my house.  Keep in mind I don't usually cook much during the summer anyway and only a few times a week the rest of the year due to other activities. 

I did have a major event in my life take place this year and that has profoundly affected me.  Not that anyone besides my sister understands this.  But people don't like to hear that you are unhappy or miss someone who passed away.  They just want you to act happy.  And for the most part I am happyish but it still affects me.  I feel at peace when I am at church.  I feel closer to my grandfather when I am volunteering at the rectory.  It is something he did and something I don't plan on giving up.  It is something that I can carry on for him and hopefully teach my daughter it is good to give back.  And as it turns out I am getting way more out of it than I am giving which is a great bonus.

This Friday we are having a memorial service for my grandmother-in-law who passed away several years ago but my mother-in-law just recently got her ashes back from California so she can bury them and fulfill her mom's final wishes.   I am hoping and praying I handle it well. 

I guess this was a vent post after all.  Although, there is so much more I would like to complain about I think I will keep myself in check. 

On a fun note, we have had so much excitement at work.  Movie stars and explosions.  I can't wait to see the movie next year!

Inspiration

I am working on gathering responses to a list of interview questions I sent to all of the staff at our parish.  Since I am trying to maintain the parish website and Facebook page I am going to use their answers to post on both of those sites.  Staff bios and information was non-existent before this project.  Plus there are quite a few new faces around. 

Out of about 9 that I sent I have gotten 3 back so far.  And the answers are all so very interesting to me.  Most of them had the same or similar questions to each other except for Fr. and the new principal who is a Sister.  They had extra questions surrounding being a priest or nun.

One of the questions was what do they find inspiring.  And while I thought I may have a small idea of one of the ways this question would be answered I have to admit the actual answers have given me things to think about and have in turned inspired me.

What do you find inspiring?

Sunday - What a Day You Were

Boy am I glad Sunday is over.

What a crazy day for me.  More so than I tried to show but I think I failed to hide my issues.

Let me set the stage...

I agreed to babysit my nearly 9 month old twin nieces a while ago and forgot all about it.  I was reminded about a week or so ago thankfully.  It was the day of our parish picnic.  We were also going to be going to a later mass which meant bringing the babies with us. 

All the places it went wrong...
If I had it to do all over again I would have gone to an early mass sans babies.  They were fine for about the 1st half hour then the oldest decided it was time to scream or talk loudly.  They were mostly happy screams but still very loud.  I walked out with her twice.  She also decided it was a great time to puke all over me, the seat, and the floor during the gospel which meant I missed most of the homily cleaning us up in the bathroom.  Bummer.  Sure wish they were recorded so I could hear the parts I missed but that is another story.

Then we go to the picnic.  It is super hot but we settled in the cafeteria to feed the babies and then us.  I was not too hot at that point.  Until....

My first boyfriend ever.  My "first" ever sat at the table next to us with his family.  All of a sudden I recognized him and I hope and pray he didn't recognize me for oh so many reasons.  I was a nervous wreck already but now my fate was sealed.  And then Father sat next to me which was great but just added to me being self conscious about melting in my seat.  When my nerves get going beyond control my face gets all sweaty and the more I worry about it the worse it is.  Plus it was humid so I could feel my hair curling into a crazy mess which only added to my breakdown.  UGH!

I tried to maintain my composure and I even tried to have some sort of coherent conversation but I fear people could see through me that something was up.  I fed the babies and tried to take care of them.  I didn't eat very much either.

Then we went outside for the face painting, balloon clown, and kids games.  I walked the track for about 20 minutes or more while my daughter got her face painted and a balloon turtle.  The babies were quiet while I walked but again my first bf was at the kids games.  Go away already is all I could think.

We finally leave only to have the babies fall asleep in the car even though I needed to change diapers and get them cleaned up before their parents got back.  That didn't work out either.  They were waiting for us in our driveway and saw what a sad state we all looked like. 

Sunday, you are one day I am glad is over.

For Today

I am feeling Happy As A Clam today. 

Which got me thinking what does that mean.  I of course headed straight to my friend,

Google, for the answer.

And what I found out is that this saying started because an open clam looks like it is smiling.  The original phrase was Happy As A Clam At High Tide.  Clams would be the happiest during high tide since they cannot be dug up and eaten by humans or predators during high tide.  I guess that would make me pretty happy if I were a clam. ge

Keeping it Real

The church often teaches us how we should behave, what our opinion should be in regards to moral ethics, etc.  For example it is wrong to get a divorce.  It is wrong to have conflict within your family.  Granted I am turning these issues into absolutes which isn't really what we are taught.

But for my story it shapes what I think about Christian values.  I feel like we should all be able to get along but reality is we don't.  I feel like people get divorced way too easy and shouldn't always take that easy way out but reality is different.  I don't believe abortion is ok but reality is I can understand why it is legal even though I personally think that should not be a form of birth control.

I can apply each of these values to my own family.  If I did there wouldn't be people I don't really speak to, there would only be happy marriages, and I would have a few more nieces or nephews.  But the reality is I don't speak to a couple members of my family and can't really see that changing anytime soon.  I would love for a member of my family to get a divorce even though it will be the hardest thing for her to go through.  But her current situation is not good for anyone especially her and her kids. 

I am the type of person who likes to fix things or help others and most of these situations are out of my control.  Sometimes I feel like I am a bad Catholic since I can not seem to let go of what has hurt me.  I think I have forgiven but it is more I refuse to put myself back in that same situation again.  Nothing has changed with the people I don't speak to and I can't go back to being a part of lives that have a negative effect on me.

I don't tell "people" about all of this.  Not even my husband too much since he doesn't really like to talk about it.  Or acts like he doesn't.  He knows enough about it but not how my heart feels about it all.  I feel guilty at times but my head sets my heart straight. 

My grandfather knew the reasons why I don't speak to my mother or youngest sister and he understood and stood by me.  He never judged me poorly and loved me unconditionally.  He even agreed with me but he still felt bad since this was his daughter we were talking about after all.  He passed away in Feb and I miss him terribly.  This month he would have been 97. 

This month has been difficult for me with a family reunion where my grandfathers presence was incredibly missed and then what would have been his birthday.  Add my mothers poor timing to phone harass me and I haven't had it easy.  I would be fine all day but then it would hit me after everyone went to sleep and I was the only one still up and alone.  I was feeling better this past week but I have made slip ups and shared some of my problems with Fr. (no real details, just generalizations) and another woman during a conversation that ended up hitting too close to home.  He spoke a bit about reconciliation in this weeks homily and requested all of us to see the positive in life and not just the negative.  I have since apologized to him for letting my problems slip out which he of course graciously said was not necessary.  But then offered to talk about it all if I ever want to.  I may take him up on that someday.  I don't know if I can right now. 

I know in my head and my heart that I am a pretty happy person.  I have so many blessings.  Life could be sooooo much worse.  For that I am thankful.  I count the blessings of having our parish and priest as some of the best coping mechanisms a person can find.

Bible Reading and Other Stuff

I haven't gotten back to reading more of the bible since my last post on it.


I think I still want to continue but I haven't felt that motivation in awhile. I think since I was at an uninteresting part that seemed to drag on and on it tempered my enthusiasm for it.

I like the idea that if you go to mass and read the daily readings every day after 3 years you will have read the bible. On the other hand I like when I hear or see a reading that I have already read and can put that into context of where it is in the bible.

Maybe I will just decide to take a break and start back up again when the weather is much cooler and I don't feel like I want to be out and about doing things.

I have still been busy volunteering which is taking up a lot of my time but I love it.  For them it is work simply because that is where their jobs are but for me it is my choice to be there and do things.  I can see now why people who are lucky enough to do what they love can view it as fun and not a job. 

It has been hotter than hot around these parts which makes me a little crabby if I have to spend too much time outdoors so tomorrow promises to be super fun(bathed in sarcasm).  We are going to some safari type thing an hour and a half from home to try to see and feed animals in 92 degree hot and humid weather.  Then sit outside and picnic in the hot smelly place.  Fun, right!?  I have to try to not complain otherwise they may try to feed me to the animals.  :-)
I just hope the animals try to venture out of the shade so we can see something close. 

What are you doing this weekend?

Investigation

There have been many church closings and mergers in our area.  It has been a long and difficult road for many many people.

Everyone has been impacted in one way or another. 

Everyone from parishioners, school children, pastors, church staff members, communities, everyone.

But we must move forward.  We must find a way to keep our faith and find a new way.  A new home.

And we have been trying to do just that.  For the past 18 months we have been trying to figure out who we are as this new parish.  I was lucky enough that the building where I have always gone to mass is still open but that is the only thing that remained the same.  The staff only has 1 member left from prior to the merger of our 2 parishes.  The pastor is different.  And change is hard.

But the only constant in life is change.  Sometimes we want to fight it so hard and refuse to see any good in the change.  For me some of the changes have been harder than others. 

But I love the new pastor and some of the staff as well.  I have hope and faith that we will find our new way and it will be better.  We have the choice to make it better if we choose to have faith.

There have been people who have written to the Vatican because they are so unhappy with these changes.  They have started petitions against the new pastor when none of this was his fault.  The pastors too are doing the best they can.  There are people who are refusing to move forward.  So now there is an investigation into these changes made by our bishop.  And I worry some things may change back.  And I don't want to go back.  I like where we are headed. 

While some of these changes have been difficult, I feel very blessed to receive them.  So I pray...

Is it Me??

In trying to live my motto I am trying to do more of the things you should do even when you don't want to. 

For example, I used to be really good at sending cards to people for what ever reason.  And even sometimes just because.  Recently there has been a man who was on the RCIA team when we went through it that has been really sick.  We have now send him 2 cards over the past couple months.  Just a nice little something to let him know we hope he is doing ok. 

Another example, we went to a wake for another RCIA member whose niece passed away.  We don't really know them extremely well but we went anyway.  We only stayed a few minutes but we did the nice good thing.

Ever since my grandfather passed away in February it is extremely difficult for me to be at funerals, wakes, memorials, etc.  But I am committed to my motto and therefore I have been going anyway.  Even when it makes me feel like I can't breathe.

This past week Father's aunt passed away.  I verbally told him I was sorry.  I left a card in his office for him and his family.  And when I found out the funeral mass was only 3 miles from my work I got a co-worker to go with me as our lunch hour.  There was a handful of other people from our parish there but not too many.  It could have to do with the location of the church where the funeral was held but I don't know.  He presided over the mass and everything.  He seemed genuinely surprised and happy to see me when I went for communion and told me thanks after.  For me it wasn't much out of my day to do the nice, right thing.  But I have to admit I was surprised by who was not there.  There were members of the staff that were not there.  To me that is disrespectful.  Not only is he their boss but they work for the church.  They should demonstrate an ever higher moral character and stand as the examples.  The only way I feel it would be ok for them not to be there is if he specifically asked them to stay behind at the rectory or there was an event pre-planned.  Otherwise I think it is wrong.

Which begs the question of Is it me????  Or am I wrong?

Sometimes People....

Did you ever notice that when you are happy there are people who don't like that? 

Or people who can take something pure and innocent and twist it until it looks ugly?

I just don't get that.  I do get when people are just trying to poke fun at you for something but that is the extent it.

But to act jealous of time spent at the church/rectory?  Really!! 

What would you rather I do?  I am not here to be at your beck and call.  Especially since you are not trying to do anything with us.  When during the week all you want is your dinner and to sit and watch TV and go to bed before 8pm. 

Just because I am trying to lose weight and actually succeeding a little bit that doesn't have anything to do with my interactions with certain people.  And now that others know about this fact don't throw it in my face.  This is why I didn't tell some people about my trying to lose weight in the first place.  They can be too judgemental.  I should be able to tell others anything and everything but they make it so difficult sometimes.

I don't plan on changing anything I am doing.  Others will have to learn to accept it or join in because what I am doing is good and helpful and doesn't take away from others.

I am going to keep to my personal motto of Do More, Be More; Do Better, Be Better.

(Sorry for a bit of code in this but I was trying to not call out certain people just in case.  Not that most of my real life people even know about this little blog anyway.)

Volunteering

Have you ever done something expecting nothing in return? 

But got everything in return?

That is how I am feeling about helping our church. 

I want to do more and more and I want nothing in return.

One thing I am gaining is new friends.  And people I genuinely like.  People I would love to just sit around, talk to and get to know better.

We did a little bit of that talking yesterday and I had so much fun!!!!

And more than anything I am gaining some pure undiluted joy!

Worlds Collide

Let's just say I don't look like I did when I was in high school.  While I probably never would have said I looked great I can definitely say I looked wayyyyy better then.  Now I need to lose some weight and I look older (obviously). 

I didn't really keep in touch with anyone from that time in my life.  I wasn't exactly an angel back then.  I drank, stayed out all night, snuck out of the house, and generally just liked to have a lot of fun.  By today's standards of a bad kid I was nothing.  And really I didn't get into any trouble but those that hung out with me knew.

Over the past year or maybe not quite that long, I have been seeing this man at church.  One day it dawned on me who he was.  He is someone who was part of our "group" that worked, went out drinking and dancing, and stayed out all night with us.  He went to an all boys catholic school as did my then boyfriend who also worked with us.  We all hung out every weekend.  I have also seen my high school boyfriend's mom at church on occasion.  I think they are now at our parish after the mergers took place because I never remember seeing them before.

And I have kept my mouth shut.  I have not said hello or anything.  For me it is too embarrassing since I do not look good as well as the fact that we were a bit crazy back then and now we are coming into contact at church no less.

Since I have been doing work at the rectory Fr. had to pass my name to this man so he can forward me information from the council that needs to be posted to the website.  Now that we have to deal directly with each other I felt I better fess up.  So I did via email yesterday.  He has not noticed me nor do I think he would recognize me.  But he wants me to say hello one day at mass.  I am hoping he is not still friends with my then boyfriend because that would just be too much.

How do I get myself into these situations.....   :-)

Taking a Moment

Sorry, taking a moment. 

I came down with a cold and this is a crazy busy week for me so I am taking a moment before posting again next week.

Prayers Answered

Did you ever pray for something and either feel like your prayers were answered or ignored?

There are so many things I pray for on a daily basis.  From general things like, "please God, keep me and my family healthy" to specific things like, "please God, let the air conditioning be working today".

Of course there is always the, "please God, let me win enough money on the lottery to not have to work".

But for every please God request I always send up a "thank you God for always answering my prayers and taking care of me". 

While he hasn't granted the lottery request, he does seem to answer all of my other prayers.  Not always exactly when I want them to happen such as the prayer for my sister to get pregnant. 

But they are always answered in God's time.

This Week's Homily

God works in mysterious ways. 

And I heard him loud and clear at mass yesterday.

Father said many things during his homily yesterday but there were portions that seemed as if he was talking directly to me.  While he didn't know what I was struggling with last week it was as if he did.  So strange and freaky.  Funny thing is this isn't the first time this has happened.

He was talking about how we need to turn the other cheek.  And how sometimes we need to do it more than once.  And how we all have the ability to respond with kindness even when it may not be deserved.  He talked about being the better person.

Was that tailor made for me or what.  lol

So I will be the better person and not say a word to this other person.  I may not have the respect for her she thinks I have but she will not know that fact.  I will go with the rule if I don't have anything nice to say I won't say anything at all.

Good Christian

I am struggling to be a good Christian today.  I am really really trying to be the better person but it is really hard.

You see when one of the most important people in my life passed away in Feb. I was very sad.  I am very sad.  It was and still is extremely difficult for me to talk about my grandfather being gone.  Even writing this now I want to cry and not believe that he is actually gone. 

We have a typical way of knowing when a loved one of a co-worker passes away around work.  Usually an email will be sent to the department and that person's address given in case anyone wants to send a card.  I found out when I returned to work after being gone a week that this was not done for me.  Out of 30 people maybe only 4 knew what happened.  My team leader didn't feel the need to share this information with the department.  That hurt.  She also felt it was appropriate to not inquire with me when the funeral arrangements were.  Again that hurt that she cared so little.  But the kicker was she kept text messaging me about work all week, including while I was at the funeral.  That was annoying.  It was so hypocritical.  When her brother passed away a couple years ago I went to the funeral on a Saturday.  Yet she couldn't be bothered to make an appearance at my grandfather's which was right around the corner from our office on a weekday.  She could have literally walked there if she wanted to.  Needless to say all of this still hurts.

Now another member of our team had her mother-in-law pass away this week.  And all my team leader keeps doing is harassing me to find out the details so she can share with everyone.  And emailing this woman about work.  All I want to do is scream.  I want to tell her how rude that is for all of the reasons above and the last thing one of us wants to be doing is answering her emails/texts while planning and attending a funeral of a loved one.  But I can't say that to her because I don't want to take anything away from my friend's mother-in-laws funeral and grieving. 

So I am struggling to be the better person and just keep my mouth shut.  Wish me luck.

Long Weekend

This was a beautiful long holiday weekend. 

Now I need to get back to my regularly scheduled activities and responsibilities.  As if they ever stop anyway.  :-)

Did anyone catch the Glenn Beck show yesterday with the Nielson family of NieNieDialogues blog?  They are just the cutest couple ever.

This Week

This has been a crazy week and it is only Wednesday. 

First the world was going to end but thankfully didn't. 

Then I heard another story about praying the g-y away which was using references from Exodus. 

So many bible references that seem so misguided.  I guess you can read anything and put your own spin on it.  But I don't think these stories are helping us catholics in any way.

Then I look and sound a bit like an idiot for a few minutes Monday evening at the rectory.  I should have known better than to rush to get there and expect my thoughts to make any sense before I take a moment to breath.  And then the more I couldn't think the more my nerves got the better of me.  Plus it was very humid out which is never good for my psyche or my curly hair.  All in all it was ugly for about 10 minutes before I gave up and went to my official meeting.  There I relaxed and sounded more intelligent anyway.

There have been big attitudes at my house.  I am tired of someone being mad at me for volunteering.  For me not being there at his beck and call for a few hours a week.  What makes it really ridiculous is when I get home it isn't like they really needed anything.  They should be able to handle a few hours on their own.  I don't care too much that he doesn't like me spending time on other things because he is gone just about every Saturday 9 months out of the year.  I just needed to get this out so I can let it go this week.

I am stressing a bit about the summer.  And child care.  It is set up with my sister-in-law and nieces but it is never easy.

I am also sad about Sister and the other woman leaving our church this week.

I am frustrated with the situation my sister finds herself in and the fact that I can't really fix it.  No one can but her and her husband.  If he would ever grow up.

I didn't mean for this to turn into such a venting post but I guess I am kind of crabby and I don't like when I am like that.  So hopefully after putting this all out there I can move on.  I just hope we don't have a guest priest this Sunday.  I need our Father's mass to put me right back in the correct frame of mind.

Quick Funny

Last Sunday's mass had the following line within the gospel reading.

So Jesus said again, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
I am the gate for the sheep.

So what does my husband do?  He leans over to me and says, "I am the gatekeeper."
 
To which I responded (at the end of the reading), " I am the keymaster."
 
Do you know what that is from?

Office Politics

At work I stay out of the office politics as much as I possibly can.  I stay at my desk and mind my own business.  For the most part this has served me well. 

I just don't like all the drama and backstabbing that can sometimes occur or just miscommunications and misunderstandings in the office environment.

I guess this is true even of the church "office".  So far it has been fine.  But there was something that happened yesterday that makes me feel the need to clear the air with my policy of not getting involved in their politics. 

I have specific projects I am working on.  A couple require me to work with the staff because I need either info for the website or work for the volunteers.  I think some people may have mistook my helping them think of ideas/solutions for their process (they asked me about it) as me willing to take it over.  I had to reassure Father via voicemail that I am still focused only on the items he and I discussed.  That I was simply trying to give them ideas they can use.  I am glad he isn't going to allow them to dump too much on me.  Previously I told him that I would always be honest with him regarding what I can and can't do due to knowledge or time constraints.  So I also stated that again and told him that I honestly couldn't take on another large project at this point even if I wanted to so rest assured.  I just hope he is reassured of my focus.  He already knows I need to meet with him again soon so hopefully we can get together next week so I can move forward on our projects.

Personal Motto(s)

I have tried to have a different personal motto(s) through the years.  Recently I would always say this year will be health and wealth.  In my mind it translated into be healthier, lose weight, exercise, save more money, spend less, etc.

I guess while in little ways those things happened, I never felt satisfied in any results.  I still need to do all of those things.

So after my confirmation I started to rethink this approach. 

I now have a new motto.

Do More - Be More

Or in other words Do Better - Be Better.

What it means to me is I am volunteering, trying to lose weight and generally be healthier, trying to mainly purchase things we need, spend more time with family, stressing less, being more joyful, and so much more.

And you know what?  It seems to be working. 

I love my new motto.

Allergist

This has nothing to do with church but I did say I would throw in other "stuff" every now and again. 

I am taking my daughter to an allergist today.  For the past 2 weeks she has broken out in a red splotchy spotted looking rash mainly on any areas of her skin that were exposed.  I believe at this point the main reason is due to a company treating grass in our area including the kids soccer field.  The timing of all of this is too coincidental to the treatments.  Plus we heard of another kid who broke out after soccer.

Of course with all of the rain we have been having she hasn't been outside so it is gone now. 

We need to get to the bottom of what is going on.  She will feel better too.  She was so self conscious she was wearing long sleeves or jackets even on the couple days it was actually warm.

She is nervous about the appointment, though, which breaks my heart.

***Update***
Allergist really thinks at this point it was due to a virus based on what we told him and the questions he asked us.  He said it would have seemed to get worse because she was exerting herself.  It just so happened that she was exercising (through soccer or running around at recess) outside.  When you have any sort of rash and increase your core temperature it will make the rash worse.  It all made sense.  But based on history of kidney issues from strep he tested her for strep just to make sure that isn't the culprit.   A lot of times she does not show any symptoms of an illness.  All in all a good appointment.  No testing other than the throat culture were needed at this point so that was good.  I have to call and talk to him in a week so he can make sure she is still ok.  Plus if it becomes a recurring issue (which he doesn't think it will but you never know) he will re-evaluate.

***Updated Update***
Guess who tested positive for strep?!  This child of mine is going to make me crazy.  How am I supposed to know when she gets it?  I don't like this waiting until some random side effect of having strep for too long shows up.  She is now on antibiotics and hopefully we caught it before it affected her kidneys again.  She probably has had it for over a month with not one little symptom.  No runny nose, stuffiness, fever, sore throat, fatigue, anything.

Kind of Funny

This proved to be another church filled weekend. 

We had 2 1st Communion masses yesterday.  One of which was at our church.  Then we went to our regular mass this morning.

One of the songs played is Table of Plenty.  One of my daughter's favorite church songs.  I actually like it also.

Then sometime this afternoon she starts singing part of it to me and asks me if it is stuck in my head too.  It wasn't at that point but it has been ever since then.

But the funny thing is I friended a different local church to see how they handle their facebook account and their post is a line from the song. 

"This day is made by the Lord, let us rejoice let us be glad....."

Busy Week

Meeting updates:

I had a second meeting with Father and the woman who is leaving that currently maintains the church website.  It was great to get started and can't wait to really get my hands on the system and learn the ropes.
I hope I won't make Fr. crazy but I then did follow up emails to him and then to this woman the next day.  I just wanted to make sure I was on the same page as they were after the meeting plus Fr. and I have a lot of other items we are going to be working on. 

It was funny, though, at this meeting he was sitting somewhat next to me but over and behind a bit while we were both facing this woman's desk.  I kept seeing him watching me out of the corner of my eye.  I think he kept waiting for me to say this was all too much, never mind, or something to that effect.  Needless to say it didn't happen.  :-)

Bible update:

I am still reading the Bible but it is a bit tedious right now.  I am in Leviticus and so much of Exodus and so far Leviticus is the procedures for what to do with each part of the animal offerings.

So I am still hanging in there but this part is dragging.  I can't wait to be on to the next stories.

This Week

This has been one of those weeks you feel like you can do it all and actually do everything you set your mind to.

We volunteered to help serve breakfast and lunch for the children's retreat for those making their 1st communions this coming weekend.  I also made sugar cookies in the shape of crosses which I covered in white royal icing and white sparkly sanding sugar.  It was really sweet how Sister made a big deal out of them and of course I was a bit shy standing in front of everyone while she did.   But the fun part is one of the moms asked me to make her 50 for her child's communion party this weekend.  Of course I said yes.  She came and picked them up yesterday and was so happy she said she would order more next year for her next child.  That is really cool.

One of our friend's daughter is also making her 1st communion Saturday and they asked me to make her cake.  And again I of course said yes.  I only need to frost it and apply the decorations that I pre-made.

I have been doing a lot of research and reading for the church projects I will be working on.  Plus all of my normal family items.

Tomorrow will be a communion and mass infused day.  And then mass again on Sunday.

What a great week!

Meeting Update

As I was driving to the meeting I was getting more and more nervous.  It was almost comical. 

I kept thinking "Don't be a dork.  You are not interviewing for a job.  You are simply trying to volunteer."

My chant worked.  Mostly. 

I was awkward the first 5 minutes but then I relaxed and went through the outline I put together along with prints of samples for reference.  I was well prepared and my thoughts were well organized. 

It went really well. 

He was excited to have these offers coming and the timing probably couldn't have been better.  In fact he told me I was a blessing.  Thank goodness because I would much rather be a blessing than a pesky fly.  lol

Anyway, one of my main points was the website and he was very receptive to my ideas.  The person who currently updates the website is one of the people leaving so that duty was going to fall to the secretary if need be.  We are going to meet again next week with the woman who is leaving to get more details on what is currently in place and then we will go from there as far as redesigning it and maintaining it.  And that most likely will include helping him start a blog and updating Facebook.  So that is all exciting.

In addition to that I said I would volunteer at the rectory office when needed and solicit and organize all those volunteers. 

Did I say I am really excited to be doing something helpful for the church?

I did?

Oh.  Sorry.  But I am really excited.  :-)

Meeting Day

I have been trying to get more involved at our church over the past couple of months and not much has happened.

I have reached out to several people on the staff to no avail.

In one of my emails to Father about another subject I made the comment that if they need help to please let me know.  And that I have so many ideas rattling around in my head.  Why I never see these things coming I don't know but he said we should sit down and talk about these ideas.  He said I should make an appointment with him through his secretary.  That was a few weeks ago.

I figured with Easter coming up and all that goes with it I would meet with him in May.  Fast forward to today and we are meeting this afternoon. 

I took all of my jumbled thoughts and typed them up in an outline format.  It is 4 pages long.  But 2 of those pages is about the website and using facebook.  Our current website is very boring and difficult to maneuver.  Some of the items should be more detailed.  While other things are non-existent.  I printed samples of other local church websites for reference.  If nothing else he will know I was well prepared.

I hope it goes well. 

If Sister wasn't leaving I would have brought all of this up with her since she runs a lot of the educational programs I have observations on.  But she is leaving so I need to pass on to those that will be there.  I briefly mentioned some things to her because I didn't want her to think I was going behind her back.  Have I said how much I am going to miss her.  :-(

Anyway, I am starting to get a little nervous.  That is the shyness in me coming out because I know what I have to say is valid and from the heart.

Wish me luck....

Religious Clothing

Just an observation today. 

It always strikes me funny that if our pastor or Sister were in a store or wherever no one would know they were a priest or a nun based on how they dress.  Even sometimes at church they are not dressed in their "uniforms".

Sister always has on a nice shirt or sweater in any color.  And Father was sporting dress pants, shirt and sport coat the other day during rehearsal for the vigil.   :-)

Reflecting on Easter

This is the first time I fully participated in all that Holy Week had to offer.  In the past I had to work and didn't think much of going to church outside of the expected Sunday.

Since my eyes are wide open now I wanted to really take part in everything I could.  I was off work so there was no conflict for Thursday or Friday mass. 

We went to the potluck dinner prior to Holy Thursday mass.  It was nice enough but I don't know that I feel compelled to do that every year.  Time will tell on that one.  But mass was very moving.  I didn't get my feet washed but my 9 year old daughter wanted to and did.  I will definitely next year.  We were set to carry the Chrism oil and I had nylons on and I wasn't sure if I could get myself back together in time otherwise I think I would have done it this year too.  As the hosts were locked up and the incense placed it truly felt as if Jesus' presence was there more than ever. 

At the Good Friday mass it again was very moving.  I loved the Veneration of the Cross.  I couldn't bring myself to actually place my lips on it to kiss the cross but I did as many others did by kissing my hand and touching the cross.  And while you know it isn't the actual cross you feel like it is.

Then Saturday morning we had the rehearsal for the Vigil service that night.  My husband made his first communion and confirmation at the Vigil.  It was funny because Father told them first to please not burn him with their candles as he is anointing them.  But also that depending on his mood he will shake their hand or if he is feeling moved he may even hug them.  But of course my husband was first in line and nearly burned Father with his candle.  And no one got hugs.  I am not saying he is the reason but just that no one did.  Part of me was sad for them because I have really come to realize after Saturday that the hug was powerful for me.  That this man of God, one of God's teachers, felt moved as much as I was and passed on God's love in that moment.  As usual I am not explaining this properly but that is often the case when I feel emotional.  And of course there is the part of me that is nanna nanna boo boo to my husband for not getting that experience.  But of course that is the silly part of me.

This was the first time we attended the Easter Vigil at this church and probably the first time since I was an adult.  And I am hooked.  It was so incredible.  Starting outside in the dark with the fire and moving into the church with only the candle light.  And then the baptisms, communions, and confirmations.  All so amazing.

I even got up early and went to 8am mass on Easter Sunday.  Sister laughed when she saw me.  I told her that the people in my house woke up a bit crabby and then went back to bed so I decided to come to mass.  She laughed and said she is just going to give me the keys to open up next time.  It wasn't our regular Father for this mass.  I am sure he did the 10am and noon masses but that was ok.  I really missed his services but seeing him wasn't my reason for going.  I am just glad I sat closer than usual because this guy was so quiet it was a struggle to hear him.  I will definitely be going to the Vigil from now on. 

I can't believe it is all over already.  I was so excited to go to church that much and it went by so quickly.

I went home and began the Easter festivities at my house once all of the family came over at 10:30.  The weather was beautiful Saturday and rainy Sunday so all egg hunts and such were inside but we still had fun.

Happy Easter!!

RCIA Meeting

We had our last RCIA meeting this past Saturday.

I had asked Sister a few weeks ago if I could bring a cake to share with everyone to thank the team and staff as well as congratulate all of us for becoming fully initiated catholics.

This is the cake I made and brought:

The lighting is really bad in this picture but it was all white and shimmery.  Everyone seemed to like it too.

Without their knowledge I also made goodie bags for everyone.  For Sister, Father, and D I made bigger, more personal bags for several reasons but since 2 of them are leaving the parish I wanted it to also be a going away gift.

The fun items that I included in every ones bags were:  a Jesus band aid (we swear they heal faster than any other), scripture mints, bible verse fortune cookies, religious bookmark, religious magnet, and chocolate crosses I made.

It was sort of sad for this group to end.  But it is exciting to see what the future will hold.

Techy Church

I have been looking at several church websites in my quest for information.   Some are better than others obviously but I wonder if what I think makes a good website for a church is different than what others think would be good.

I like the more info there the better.  If there are committees than link them to a more detailed description of what the committee is, what their goal is and how they would like to meet it, who to contact if you can and are interested in getting involved, when do they typically meet, etc.  Rather than we have committee A.

Or if the church would like people to volunteer than give the people the proper tools to find out how to volunteer and all of the different possibilities. 

Since we are adopting the new Roman Missile in November why not link to that or at the very least give the info on your website. 

Details, details, details as far as I am concerned. 

I think if you provide the details on your own website people won't go hunting on the Internet for it.  You can control the accuracy of what people are reading a bit more if you give it to them.  Plus what an opportunity to reach more members of the church and get them excited to get involved. 

What about Facebook?  Should a church have an account?  I say why not as long as what is posted by the admins is relevant to the church.  Again, get the people notified and excited.  The younger people are the more into technology they may be and if you use that technology to reach them the earlier you can get them excited and motivated. 

Another thing I liked about one of the websites I saw was that it showed pictures of all of the parish staff and if you clicked on it you saw their "profile".  How to contact them, but also who they are, where they came from and their background, as well as fun hobby type tidbits.  Again, let the masses know you.  They may be more likely to approach you.

I have always felt a bit intimidated by the staff.  I know they know more about the church than I do and while that is OK the shy factor in me would take over.  I am really trying hard to break out of the shy factor at church and get to know people and get involved but it is somewhat frustrating since I can't find the info I am looking for and who exactly to contact. 

What about a church utilizing a blog?  Again, I think if done properly could be a great tool.

One website even records the pastor's homilies and puts those on the website.  I love that too. 

And pictures.  Put pictures of the different events or services out there.

So many possibilities.

What do you think about using the available technology outlets for the church and its mission?

Out

Did you ever put yourself out there to others and then worry you are an annoyance?

You are so excited for whatever it may be but the others may not be on the same page?

That is how I am feeling right now.

Sunday Mass

I have a friend who was trying to sell her house.  She still is actually but she has stopped trying to buy a house until hers sells. 

At one point in November and December she had a bid in on a house and put hers on the market and it all happened so quickly.  She was extremely stressed out and was at the point of needing help for her stress.

She decided she didn't want any medications to help her with her mental well being.  She decided she would go to church daily.  At the time I remember thinking that was a great idea knowing her but I couldn't see going daily myself.

But now I would love to be able to go to mass at my church daily.  I don't know exactly what changed my perspective.  I still think how moving my confirmation was for me is what changed me so much.  I wonder if my husband will feel a fraction of what I felt when he gets his first communion and confirmation at the Easter Vigil service.

Yesterday we had mass, our RCIA meeting and was there for 2 hours and it felt like 2 minutes.  I was actually kind of bummed when it was time to leave.  Sister sat with us for the whole RCIA meeting and I was struck again how much I am going to miss her when she leaves.  At least we will still have Father there.  That is a saving grace!

I plan on going to Holy Thursday (and I would like to go to the potluck dinner before) mass at which point I will carry up the Chrism.  Boy I hope I do it properly and bow at the right time if I am supposed to and so forth.  But I digress, I also plan on going on Good Friday and then again for hours at the Easter Vigil.  If I still feel this enthusiastic after all of that than I know it isn't some fleeting feeling.  I suspect I will love it all.  Well except for the part where everyone will be looking at me carrying up the Chrism.

Bible

I have decided I am going to read the bible cover to cover.  It may take me forever to do it but I am.

I haven't read it like that since I was still in school.  Which seems like forever ago.  Funny thing is I have recently seen a guy at church who I used to hang out with (in a group of us) back in high school.  I haven't been able to catch up to him to see if he remembers me.  Plus I am always a bit shy in those situations. 

Back to the bible.  I have only gotten a little ways through Genesis and I can't believe I didn't remember that the early people discussed lived for hundreds of years each.  Crazy.

This is probably so not politically correct but if I am going to be honest about what crosses my mind I have to say this.   When someone is said to live for hundreds of years it makes you think immortality which then sends my mind to vampires.  Now make no mistake I am not saying in any way shape or form that people in the bible were vampires.   Because I am not saying that at all.  It is just that since I was a kid I have always liked a good vampire story and immortality links to vampire in my mind. 

Again totally out of context of what the real understanding (which I did absorb) is from Genesis. 

It is just funny how a persons mind works.  Just don't think less of me.  lol

Explain

I want to explain a little bit about why now.  And to answer that question is very difficult.  I think there are many reasons I can think of and I am sure there are others that I don't even realize.

First, I just think this was God's time for me.  I have always wanted to have my confirmation but never did it.  Sometimes I didn't do it simply because I didn't want to take the time to go through classes and such.  Which is even the reason I inquired when I did.  I figured I had already spent all that time at the family classes for my daughters communion/confirmation that those should count for something.  They didn't but as it turns out I am glad they didn't. 

Since around last September we have pretty much had a weekly meeting after mass.  Some longer than others but all pretty informal.  I have made some great friends from those meetings. 

But back to the question at hand.  Why now... 
Even up to the day of my confirmation I was not prepared for how I would feel. 

After much reflection on that event I think all of my thoughts about our church and where it is today, our new pastor and how I love how he leads us, and the fact that I have always wanted to feel like I truly belonged to be there all came together in that moment.  Sister said it is the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Since I was young I always wanted a church where the pastor didn't just preach to you but could speak to you according to the times.  He does that.  He can quote a movie during a homily that I know and I think he found the spiritual meaning in a movie that I remember most for some of the stand out lines.  He is so in tune with the parish and how many are still struggling with the merger and the fact that he is there that he addresses this in a manner of grace.  I find him very inspiring and feeling like I should do more and be more.  Not because I feel pressure but because I feel inspired.  Haven't you ever met or seen someone who inspires you simply by being themselves? It is a rare quality that some people have to truly inspire others.  And I feel he has it and is able to inspire the congregation through God.  Believe me there are plenty of people who don't like him at all and tell him that all the time.  But most of those people are still mad that our prior pastor is no longer there.  And I understand that but I also think if our parish is ever going to be able to move forward those people need to let go of the hate and move back to why we are at church in the first place.

Sister that is there is simply amazing.  She is also a wonderful person who can relate to all of us.  You never feel like you are not up to par.  I speak/email with her sometimes several times a week.  She will sometimes say things and you think she is a nun she can't say that but that is very old school of me.  She is never disrespectful especially concerning faith.  But because of this merger she is leaving soon.  I cannot imagine our church without her but I am trying to focus only on the positive right now.  We will see once she is gone.  Change isn't always easy.

Why now?  I guess I don't fully know myself.  It just is.  For so many reasons.  More than I have even stated.  Maybe it is now thanks to the grace of God...

Being Catholic

Once again I can't believe how long it has been since the last time I posted anything here.  Almost a year is simply crazy.  I hope I will post more often since I have a focus for my posts more than ever.  I may still post about cakes or other such life stuff but I think my main posts will be about what I am learning about being Catholic and why now. 

It won't be preachy but more my very personal thoughts that I can't say to those I know in real life because they don't understand.  I don't know if anyone will ever really understand but I just needed an outlet for these thoughts even if no one reads them.

As a lot of places across the country have seen this past year there has been a lot of change in our church.  Some parishes have closed while others have merged.  And to top it all off the pastors have all been moved around.

I have been going to my church off and on since we discovered it 10 years ago.  We were welcomed with open arms at this parish and went consistently until my daughter was too loud and fidgety.  Once we were out of the habit it was difficult to start back up 3 years ago.  But we did and I am so grateful for that.  Last year she made her first communion and confirmation all at the same time.  In many ways I was soooo happy to have them both done at once.  It was great from a busy parent perspective but really she didn't learn as much as I had hoped she would.  While going through this with her I thought I should see about making my confirmation.  I had been baptized Catholic, first communion Catholic & Lutheran, confirmation Lutheran but never confirmed Catholic which is as an adult I chose to be. 

For the past year I had been working towards that and was able to convince my husband to make his communion and confirmation.  At the time I just didn't want to go by myself. 

This process has brought out more in me than what I ever knew to be there.  While all this was going on our church became the location of 2 merged parishes (ours and another), our pastor was moved out and a new pastor was brought in.  At first I was really upset that the previous pastor would not be the one to do my daughters 1st communion and confirmation since they changed 2 months prior to her sacraments.  But I decided to give the new guy a chance on his own merits. 

Also during this past year my sister finally was able to get pregnant and had twin girls.  And she asked me to be the godmother for the oldest.  I now had to speed up my process so that I could be a fully initiated Catholic by March 13th. 

I spoke to Sister about this and our new Father and we were able to perform my confirmation on March 5th.  I knew I already loved our new pastor better than our old and far better than I could have imagined but what transpired during my confirmation was something I was not at all ready for.  Something truly transformed in me during that mass.  While I was standing up there in front of the whole church all I could do was look at him.  I was too nervous with everyone looking at me.  And then at the end he gave me a hug that I say sealed the Holy Spirit and love for our church in me.  I really was changed and I wasn't ready for it to be such a powerful thing.  I thought OK, finally, I will have everything done.  At 41.  But it was so much more than that.

Over this past year I have really listened to his homilies like I have never before.  I have been searching for a church and pastor that I could completely relate and connect with.  I know I have found it finally. 

I am now obsessed with wanting to do more at the church, be more personally.  These are things I think about all the time now.  And things that I have tried to say on a small scale to people close to me but they don't really understand.  Even my husband is not understanding so here is where my rambling mind will express all that is in me. 

I think I will be posting quite often now....