Sunday, December 31

How do I trust

How do I trust that the world will be good to my girl?

How do I know it is okay for her to go to a friend's house?

How do I know she will be safe from other adults we learn to know and trust?

How do I know if someone has guns in their house or has a secret fetish?

As I snuggled in her bed with her this morning I couldn't help but think about how my sweet innocent girl is soon going to be out in the world without me and how do I know when it is okay to say go, have fun. How do I know who is truly a good person and who is not.

I know she is safe from damaging adults or adult behaviours in our house. I have always said I want her to have her friends come to our house and not vice versa. But again how do I know.

How do I find the courage to let her go? She is the world to me and I really couldn't honestly say what I would do if the world were to hurt her.

I go back and forth in how much I think about these things. But lately they have been brought to the surface again by a few things.

1st of which is the fact that when her pre-school goes on field trips the drivers are the parents of the kids. I don't "know" these people yet they want me to put my child in someone else's car. I just can't do it and I plan to drive on every field trip. She likes me to go anyway so it works out good. I don't mind taking another kid with us but I don't want her in someone else's car without me. I realize I am a bit paranoid but have I mentioned how much she means to me.

But really the thoughts that I cannot shake lately are about a co-worker who was recently arrested for drugging and raping several little girls as they would sleep over his house with his daughters. He seemed like a normal enough guy. I didn't know him extremely well but others in my department did. There was one lady who felt bad for him having troubles around Christmas time and had considered letting him stay in her house (with her kids there) so he wouldn't be alone. This was before she knew what the charges were. Thankfully she did not do this. He used to have the best Halloween costumes but now they seem extremely disgusting to me as they were always a child theme such as sponge*bob. His story truly turns my stomach. But most importantly it reminds me that you never really fully know someone. He was married with 2 young girls who knew nothing about his behaviours until the arrests. The only reason they caught him was because of the number of nasty downloads he made with one month and the fact that he would video tape his his, well you get the idea.

I am just very scared about the world in which I will need to send my precious little girl out into.

Please world be kind to her.


Lauri said...

Im paranoid as well. A nice old lady at a church rummage sale offered to hold & take Livi while I browsed... Im sure she was safe and nice... but thanks but no thanks.I hate that we live in a world like we do. I guess we just have to tecah them, give them their voice, but how do we protect them from the ugly in the world without scaring the heck out of them.

Good post Lauren....

Margaret said...

It's sad that we have to be so wary nowadays. It's just smart,though.

Heather said...

Wow! That story feeds into my paranoia. I also struggle with knowing when to let go. Our daughter is so independent, but she knows we have rules to protect her and she gets in big trouble if she doesn't follow them. She's only had one sleepover at a friend's house and it was next door. I never see the husband, only the wife. I think her husband travels for work a lot.

One of the things I like at her public school is that if any parents are going to help out with any student activities, you need to fill out all this paperwork that includes a police record, fingerprinting, etc. Kind of like getting government security clearance. I do know when she gets involved in after-school activities like girl scouts and stuff I'll want to help chaparone events. I also like my DD's friends to come to our house where I can keep an eye on them.