A friend has been pondering why she hasn't been the super mommy she thought she would be. I think as much as we would all like to believe we would never do certain things we all do things we never thought we would. There is no such thing as a "super mom". We all do the best we can. At least all of us that truly enjoy and want to be moms. I know there are plenty out there that do the bare minimum but I am not going to comment on those right now.
But all this pondering has made me remember that 1st night at the hospital after giving birth. I wanted to keep the baby in my room with me. So when she woke up in the middle of the night I had a bit of a panic attack.
What do I do with her?
I know she needs to be fed and have her diaper changed. I have babysat plenty of times so it wasn't as if I had never done these things. But how do I know which to do right away? How do I know what she wants or needs?
It was a little disconcerting at first. But I did the best I could and changed her diaper (which was so very small). And I fed her. Truthfully at this point I am not sure in which order but both were done and she fell back asleep.
After that I knew there was no manual or help at all hours. That I had to trust myself and do the best I can in that moment and all would be ok.
I know I have had moments that were less than perfect but she tells me "your the best mommy!" and that is all I can ask for. And I tell her she is my "best girl".
I love her more than words. I tell her that every night and someday I hope she fully understands the depth of that simple phrase.