Friday, August 18

Help Me Understand

I have been sitting on this info all week. I am not sure what to say. I just don't understand how these things happen. Or why.

In my family I have 2 younger sisters. There is the middle girl, M, who I love to death and is my best friend and sister. I talk to her just about every day. We work for the same company and I would do anything for her. She is the one I pray will become pregnant and soon.

Then there is the "other one", S. She just had a birthday on the 14th. She turned 25. So M sucked it up and called her and found out that she is 3 months pregnant and how that makes her birthday suck because she can't even enjoy it. (Keep in mind she is smoking as she is talking) Also she is now living with our mother in a trailer home (not that there is anything wrong with that but it is small). Oh and did I mention this will be her 4th child. Not to mention the other pregnancies she terminated (of which I have lost track). Many people who don't really know M or I would think that our issue is the fact that the father of all of these children is black and we are not. However, we could care less about that. Our issue with S is her total lack of responsibility and the way she chooses to live her life.

It is so frustrating for us to feel for her when she had lied to us, stolen from us, and on and on. I don't want Jaclyn associating with these cousins of hers because they are such bad examples to her. I do feel bad on some levels that these poor kids are going to have a somewhat crappy life and will really need to have strong will to overcome the obstacles that their parents have made for them. But I don't go out of my way to see them. I know shame on me but I can't help it.

There is so much bad history between S and I that I refuse to be led down that path of worry again. I went through a period that I ended up having chest pains from stress over trying to take care of the family. I had to break away for my own health. My poor grandfather pays her rent and any other bills-monthly. Neither S nor her man (of which I only know his "street" name) work. Neither cares if they have the kids around them or not. I think they would both be happy if they could do as they pleased and party as they would like. S has supposedly kicked him out and that is why she is back living with my mother. But she is old enough to take some responsibility for herself and stop mooching off of everyone.

My mother thinks M and I need to forgive S and believe that she is trying to make things better and get a job and blah blah blah. But then she announces she is pregnant and it is the same old shit. What is really sad is that now she is my mother's golden child while M and I are on the bad child list. Whatever.

What I really need to understand is how in the world people who would do anything to get pregnant can't yet there are people like my sister, S, who disregard what a precious gift that is.


Jenn (formerly gibby23roarof84) said...

Ahh, families. It's amazing, isn't it, the bonds that tie us to people that we otherwise might not associate with. :-)

In my family of four sisters we've had our share of disagreements and periods of not speaking to one another, and tracking mom's's exhausting. So now I try to focus on my friends and the family that I consider friends, and stay out of the fray of the constant battling going on within my family...they are my sisters, I will always love them, but I am just too old to be picking sides over what C said to S at the bar..
Best of luck; wish I had an answer for you!

Margaret said...

What a complicated situation. It has be frustrating to see her do nothing to help herself. With your grandfather and mother helping her out so much, she has no reason to step up and take care of herself and her kids. It's too bad. Sometimes in a family's effort to "help" the help ends up hindering any growth. Sometimes we have to clean up our own messes in order to learn.

I'm sorry to hear you've got that strained of a relationship with a sister... but I'm so glad you also have another sister that you have a positive relationship with.