Wednesday, January 17

Childs Play

Have you ever felt so alone that it feels like there is no one who would care if you were around or not?

I get in funks sometimes that are stupid. I know my daughter would care if I weren't here. I think my husband would care. I know my sister would care.

My sister is my best friend. I would tell her anything. I often do tell her anything. I know she has told me "stuff" too. She is the first person I call when I need to celebrate, vent, or just chit chat. But I don't always feel like I am the first person she calls. I know there are times when I am not. That always hurts me.

She is not the only one like this. For some reason it seems people forget about me. I am a good friend. I care about people. I try to be there for them. But it always seems that they don't need me as much as I need them. I am really not a needy person. I am actually a pretty stubborn person who would do something by myself rather than ask someone else to do it for me.

In my funks I stop calling people. I am always the one who calls. I don't really keep tabs but I don't need to. It is obvious.

My sister works for the same company I do but just on another floor. Normally we call each other every day even though we don't always get to see each other. Well it has now been since last week that I have not called her. And she has not called me either. We see each other on Thursday nights at ice skating but other than that I haven't talked to her in a week. She did send me an email on Monday morning telling me she won a raffle but that was it.

I was looking over a local TV stations website and they did a story about infertility. My sister is having problems getting pregnant and they are not sure why. I know this affects her and she knows that no matter how she is feeling I will listen to her. I have told her before that the way she feels doesn't need to be justified because no matter what it is how she feels and that is OK. Within the article it gave the man's perspective and there was a line that told people to call even if the other person was never calling them.

I emailed her the link to the article because I thought she may find it interesting. She is on the phones quite a bit at work but no reply. I am still being childish. But I know I will call eventually. My funks don't usually last that long.

These funks just give me a sad feeling that I am not as important to that person as they are to me. Or that is the perception even if it is inaccurate.


Diana said...

I think it can be easy to fall into set roles. Certain people call. Others wait to be called.

You'd hate me. I'm a 'wait to be called' sort.

I hope you feel better soon. These funks are hard. The bad feelings about ourselves are the worst, for me.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I feel that way alot too. Part of my problem is that I am a single mom and most people I am around have families. My family is on the other coast. And then I end up kind of isolating myself and then it goes down from there. I'm tired of being the one making all the effort!

Lauri said...

I feel you..... I want to be a good friend,sister, Mom, wife so badly and sometimes you feel like your trying so hard..
I use to be close to my sister... things have since been weird and she has been very unsupportive.

I know that Im also stubborn and have a hard time letting people in.. Im working on that

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