How do I trust

How do I trust that the world will be good to my girl?

How do I know it is okay for her to go to a friend's house?

How do I know she will be safe from other adults we learn to know and trust?

How do I know if someone has guns in their house or has a secret fetish?

As I snuggled in her bed with her this morning I couldn't help but think about how my sweet innocent girl is soon going to be out in the world without me and how do I know when it is okay to say go, have fun. How do I know who is truly a good person and who is not.

I know she is safe from damaging adults or adult behaviours in our house. I have always said I want her to have her friends come to our house and not vice versa. But again how do I know.

How do I find the courage to let her go? She is the world to me and I really couldn't honestly say what I would do if the world were to hurt her.

I go back and forth in how much I think about these things. But lately they have been brought to the surface again by a few things.

1st of which is the fact that when her pre-school goes on field trips the drivers are the parents of the kids. I don't "know" these people yet they want me to put my child in someone else's car. I just can't do it and I plan to drive on every field trip. She likes me to go anyway so it works out good. I don't mind taking another kid with us but I don't want her in someone else's car without me. I realize I am a bit paranoid but have I mentioned how much she means to me.

But really the thoughts that I cannot shake lately are about a co-worker who was recently arrested for drugging and raping several little girls as they would sleep over his house with his daughters. He seemed like a normal enough guy. I didn't know him extremely well but others in my department did. There was one lady who felt bad for him having troubles around Christmas time and had considered letting him stay in her house (with her kids there) so he wouldn't be alone. This was before she knew what the charges were. Thankfully she did not do this. He used to have the best Halloween costumes but now they seem extremely disgusting to me as they were always a child theme such as sponge*bob. His story truly turns my stomach. But most importantly it reminds me that you never really fully know someone. He was married with 2 young girls who knew nothing about his behaviours until the arrests. The only reason they caught him was because of the number of nasty downloads he made with one month and the fact that he would video tape his his, well you get the idea.

I am just very scared about the world in which I will need to send my precious little girl out into.

Please world be kind to her.

Still Hanging Around

I am still around. Just so terribly busy. But things are starting to calm down. Except for my husband's money paranoia. He is in full swing. I think now that the holidays are over he starts to think about how much it all costs. Of course it doesn't help that we had to take our van in again to see why it is leaking transmission fluid. That was $336 that we could have used elsewhere. Especially since this was the 3rd time this year we have taken it in.

We also have to come up with $325 by Jan. 8th to register Belle for all day kindergarten. Anyone else care to take a few hundred dollars right now???? Anyone????

Other than that our holiday was great. Belle loved every minute of it. We are still opening toys everyday. I have been off of work for the most part. I had to go in on Wednesday for a half day and am off again until Tuesday. That is nice but I always get a bit depressed after Christmas. I hate to go back to work full time (even though I am thankful to have a job) and leave Belle. I LOVE STAYING HOME AND LONG TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT FULL TIME BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Belle had a great birthday. I will do a separate post about that. But we all had a great time. J's birthday was OK. We had his here at home. I had gotten him a Star Wars PC game and after he opened it we found you need to have a DVD drive on your computer. He does not. So we had some gift cards and we went and got an external drive. We get the game loaded on the computer and find out we don't have a 3D graphics card. UGH. So the $40 game is costing us an extra $225 before tax just to be able to play it. The drive was $100 and the graphics card will be $125. With the extra expenses of the car that will have to wait. The bad thing is that we couldn't even return the game because it was opened. He will be the first to admit his best gift, though, was a local basketball team's flag. You can't find them anywhere. Not even at the arena gift shop. I was able to find it online and he was very happy with that. The problem finding them is that we need one with grommets for a flag pole and not the banner type. I was way excited for him to open that gift.

Well that is all for tonight.

Quick Post

I will post more about our absolutely great weekend later but I just have to comment on the children I saw at the indoor water park.

I hope I am not completely stereotyping but it looked to me that there were a lot of families that may have adopted. I don't know if I am just more in tune to this since being a part of the bloggy world and having friends who have adopted.

Obviously, I noticed the kids who looked to be of a different nationality than their parents. Again, could be a complete stereotype but I just found myself watching these kids. It was so beautiful to see these kids playing and having a great time where they probably wouldn't have had that opportunity if it hadn't been for their parents adopting them.

It really touched my heart.

Busy Busy Busy

Everyday I feel like I don't have time to sleep. I have so much to do and so little time. And work. Well that just gets in the way. Not that I don't have tons of work to do. Because believe me I do.

I was just looking at the calendar and realized I only have to work 4 more days this year. Which is awesome but also overwhelming. I have too much to get done. And too much that is getting old. But everyday I get something else thrown at me that must be done now. And then my work has to wait. And wait. Which frustrates me since it then makes me look bad. But my goal is to get up to date and have my desk be cleaned off for the new year. If you could see my desk you would understand that is a big goal with only 4 days left to accomplish it.

And for my personal life. We are taking the whole family to an indoor water park this Saturday and Sunday and I have to gather all the food, pack, wash clothes, order food, get everyone directions, and I am sure a million other little things. But.it.will.get.done.so.I.can.enjoy.myself.

This Saturday is Belle's 5th birthday. I can't believe how fast time as gone. Where is my sweet little baby. She has been replaced with a strong willed independent (when she wants to be) high maintenance mostly sweet heart. I try to tell her that I am sweet, daddy is sour, and that she is sweet and sour. She doesn't like my example too much. She then argues that she is NOT sour. That she IS sweet. he he If you notice the sour comes out easily. he he

But I love her more than anything and that is all that really matters.

Must Vent

Last night was my husband's Christmas party. He works for a retail store so they always have to be on a Sunday night so that the store can close at 6pm and they can party at 7pm.

Usually the party goes until about 9pm. Well this year J has to "help". He was supposed to help clean up but since Belle is now in school I asked if he could possibly help set up instead. This wish was granted and all was good.

We get there and we are sitting at our table. And we are sitting. And we are sitting.

They finally serve the food at 8pm. By this time Belle is just starving. And as luck would have it we ended up being at the last table to go get food. We go get our food and we sit back down. We eat.

And then we are just sitting and waiting again. We could leave but they pass out raffle tickets to each employee so we could win a prize. So we wait.

They finally start reading off the raffle tickets and lucky us we won a $25 gift card but we didn't get home until about 10pm.

And the kicker was that the kids gifts were crap. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but they really just wasted their money. Belle got checkers for kids ages 6 and up. She isn't even 5 yet. And another kid younger than her got a 63 piece puzzle. Good grief Charlie Brown. Last year they gave away those color wonder sets. Great. Great. Idea. Maybe that is why this year it seemed so bad. A different person organized it last year. This year's gift choices were coloring books (good), jumbo pencils (scary), puzzles, and checkers. Anyone with kids would agree these sucked.

I am glad we got prizes and gifts. Don't get me wrong. But all in all it was long and boring. And we are going to pay the price today with one very sleepy child who by this evening is bound to be good and crabby.


Edit: After some more thought I think they tried their best. Yes the gifts for the kids were better last year but these really weren't that bad I guess. I think I was just tired and crabby so that is what I am going to go with. I stand by the fact that it went too late for the kids (and they wanted kids there).

Baking

Well so far I have made a few dozen spritz cookies, a few dozen snowball cookies, Gribay cookies which are like a butter type cookie that melt in your mouth (these are an old family recipe), and probably 20 dozen peanut butter with hershey kisses. I have the dough made for the sugar cookies but those will have to wait until later or tomorrow.

I am tired but I am still in the middle of making dinner and then I have to go shopping.

This has been a long day. But that is ok because that is less I have to do the week of Christmas.

Holiday Baking gone wild

I fear that is what is going to happen to us this weekend. I am starting my baking tonight. I am the official cookie maker for many houses.

Don't you dare try to make cookies. My very impressive cookie tray will run your measly poorly baked cookies right to the trash. Fear me lesser cookie trays......

Ok. So I am a dork. That is my new favorite word by the way. Why you may ask. Hmmm. Not really sure. It just is. For now.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. This year I have decided to really let my Belle help me make cookies. I may regret this decision quickly but I am determined to let her help.

I really have unintentionally made others give up trying to bake Christmas cookies. I make spritz, sugar, chocolate chip, m&m, snowballs, peanut blossoms (with the Hershey kisses), gribay, and any other I feel like throwing in. I make many many many dozen of each.

I generally will put together a tray to give to my elderly neighbor next door, my sister's house on Christmas Eve, my sister-in-law's house on Christmas Day, J's work, my work, and whoever else needs a quick gift. And I still have tons left over.

The best part is that once I make all of these I don't really want to eat them. Don't get me wrong I do eat some but I don't crave them like I think I would if I didn't do all of the work.
And if I must say so myself they are usually very yummy. I learned well from my grandma how to bake.

Just don't ask me to cook. I can but I don't like to.

So happy baking to all who bake and to all who bake good night. (can you name the reference even though I changed the words a bit?)

Money Money Come My Way

UGH. I hate talking about money. But I just found out that I need to come up with an extra $400 about by January 8th.

I mean really. January 8th! That is so close to Christmas. I have to do it though. If I want my Belle (name my girl will now be called on this blog) to go to all day kindergarten then I need to come up with this money.

She will be attending a public school but if you want to go for the all day kindergarten you have to pay extra. About $2000 extra for the school year. OUCH!

But I don't have a way for her to get to and from school on a half day schedule. As it is I will still probably need to pay the extra $2 per hour for before and after care at the schools latchkey program. Double OUCH!

My husband is not at all happy with money talk and that is always a stress between us. So I think I will hold off on breaking this news until closer to Christmas. It isn't like we are completely broke but I don't know about others but I don't normally have a spare few hundred dollars laying around burning a hole in my pocket.

UGH.

Fog Lifting

I guess I should come out of my fog. I have thought about a lot of things to blog about but then just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I had read a couple of horror stories about rude people going over the line on other's blogs and just couldn't make myself post anything.

But I think I am going to get back to why I decided to do this in the first place. It is a place for me to put my thoughts. Even if they are random. I got wrapped up in who was reading this and how many and how can I get more people to read and so on and so on.

But really this is for me and hopefully a few nice people will come by and share their comments with me. I do love the comments.

So with our first official serious snowstorm this week I am lifting myself up and getting back to blogging. Boy I got dusty just sitting here.

Sorry

It has been a little while since I posted. I have definitely been slacking. I would think of things I wanted to post. But then I would be busy and unable to get them into words.

So I find myself here on this Monday morning with nothing much to say. I am sure as the day goes on something will click and I will know what should be put in writing to be treasured forever. Well maybe not treasured. Or maybe not forever. But at least for today.

I even missed posting the exact 2 months to Christmas day. More on that later....

Epidemic

I think there is really an epidemic that needs serious consideration. The sad thing is that I don't think the people affected by this terrible disease are even aware they have the disease.

Thankfully I have not been infected. Nor has my family. Well my daughter has had a couple of close calls but hasn't caught it.

On Sunday at a Halloween party hosted by our friend I noticed a few people who were unaware they have been infected. The party was the search for the Great Pumpkin. He had about 100 pumpkins in his front yard and you had to pick one. They were all numbered on the bottom and if you picked the winning number you either won lottery tickets or the Great Pumpkin. And during this search I became quite alarmed at the number of infected people. Luckily, or unluckily, we won the Great Pumpkin this year. Actually Jaclyn won it and it took a wheel barrel to get it to our car. It is rather large. But I get off subject.

Even the host was infected. This disease does not care if you are male or female. It affects both. The host had no idea he was infected. I could tell. But sure enough he had the terrible disease.......Butt Crackitis.

You too could be among those infected. Particularly if you prefer the low rise jeans. You see every time you squat down the back portion opens a bit. And because they are already low all that is exposed is the butt crack.

It is no longer a disease simply for the plumbers. It can now affect any size, shape, gender, and profession. Beware. Take precautions that you too will not become infected.

Halloween Candy

So what to do. What to do with all of that Halloween candy. In the past I tell Jaclyn to pick out maybe 10-15 pieces of candy and the rest we will give to people who weren't able to get candy. Which really means we take it to work and pass it off on the people there.

But I just read the best idea. The Halloween Witch. I love this idea. I will definitely be trying it this year. I will let Jaclyn know that I sent the witch an email to sign us up. I am so excited to tell her about this. I think it is a great idea.

I will have her think of a few things to put on the list and will tell her that I need to email the list to the witch so she can pick the gift she wants to bring.

So say bye bye to all the candy in our house and to be able to do it without protest. Not that she really protested giving away most of her candy to others but still.

What more can I ask for?

I would love to hear any other ideas people may have for different holidays. For example, what about the tooth fairy? Gifts or money?

TGIF

Thank goodness today is Friday. This has seemed like such a long week.

And I have so much to do this weekend that sadly before I know it it will be Monday again.

UGH>

Halloween

Normally I don't dress up for Halloween. We typically will go to a Halloween function that is held in our city and I will dress my daughter. I may thrown on a headband that has some sort of ears. Or I may do the typical black cat and add a tail to my pants, draw whiskers on my face and put on the ears.

There is a picture that has run 2 years in a row in our local newspaper of me painting my daughter's nails with glow in the dark nail polish. She is dressed up like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) and I have my face painted with whiskers to be my black cat impersonation.

This year I thought we may do something different. My daughter has known since last year what she was going to be so she was easy. But now my husband wants to dress up. And he leaves it to me to think of something good for him to be. And to book I may have to sew it. All by this Sunday possibly. UGH>

I came up with Obi-Wan Kenobi. He thought possibly but he would need to see it. So I purchased the pattern last night. Then he decides that is old and done. He wants to know what else I've got. Well I don't have anything else. So then he wants to know what movies have come out this year. Again, I have no idea. If it is not a kids movie you can forget it.

So I am throwing this out there. Anyone have any great and fairly easy costume ideas?

Sick or Not???

My daughter is sick today. Or is she?

She has been having a rough couple of days with a really bad attitude. So after I talked to her yesterday after work she seems to be a bit happier. She went to bed without too many problems and that was it for the night. She slept soundly until I had to wake her this morning.

But.Then.The.Wining.Began.In.Full.Force.

She was very winey and crying this morning over anything and everything.

I don't like that shirt. I don't want tennis shoes. I can't get my pants up. Wahhhhhh. I hit my ear on the door. And on it went until we left.

Somehow I managed to get her dressed and into the car. But not before another Wahhhhhh. I hit my elbow. Which was right after the Wahhhhhh. I can't see anything (after I turned off the light to leave).

So I should have known the call I would get from my sister in law. Especially after what Jaclyn said in the car on the way there (her throat hurts).

About 15 minutes before she had to be at school my SIL called and said she wasn't sure what she should do. Jaclyn is complaining that her throat hurts, her head hurts, and her tummy hurts. She has been laying around all morning and not constantly asking if it was her turn to go to school.

I talked to Jaclyn and told her that if she is sick she can't go to school and can't play during the day. That she will need to lay around and rest. She said she just wanted to stay on the couch.

Okay.....

I tell my SIL that I guess if she thinks she is really sick that I will call the school and let them know she isn't coming. Because she said her tummy hurt, my SIL didn't try to give her any breakfast so I am wondering if it was hurting from sickness or hurting from hunger as she had been up for a few hours by this time.

My SIL had to run to the store and had to take Jaclyn and her nephew whom I shall nickname badboy or BB for short. He really is a terror and I try very hard not to say that about any child. But he would push me over the edge. Picture my SIL driving with Jaclyn and BB in the back in their car seats. They pass Jaclyn's school and BB asks if she is going to school today. She tells him no because her head kinda hurts. Her tummy kinda hurts. And last but not least that her throat kinda hurts. That she didn't really feel like going to school today because of those things.

Hmmmm.

Did she already learn the art of faking illness? At four?

I really don't think she did but I will certainly be checking out her alibi when I get home. Shortly (5 minutes later) she tells my SIL that she is feeling better.

Hmmmm.

I better get out my spotlight so that I can conduct a proper inquisition. Something seems fishy.

Crafts

I love crafts of all sorts. I haven't really talked about it here. But whenever I have a spare moment I like to make something. I have done so many different projects over the years. Some I have finished. Others not so much.

But in the end I just love crafting.

I am now trying to make items to sell at a craft fair that is held in the cafeteria of my work.

I have made some beaded cuff socks in Christmas colors as well as other everyday colors. My daughter loves these and keeps trying to keep them for herself.

I have also made some fleece hats and I am going to try to make some fleece scarves to match.

I have a few knitted scarves.

I have some beaded bracelets

And I will probably make some pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.

The hardest part is finding the time. But as we sit and watch tv or I am sitting watching Jaclyn's dance class I can knit or bead socks. I have been know to take these things with me to work so that I can do some at lunch time.

I wish I was able to do this to make money for charity. But truth is we could use the extra cash to pay on some bills such as the one for my new eye sight.

I did see this wonderful cause that is knitting socks for adopted children. I think that is such a great idea.

I am trying to instill this love of crafts in my daughter also. I think it would be so much fun for us to create "stuff" together.

In this spirit I am going to really try to turn our spare bedroom into a full fledged craft (and bed) room. It is a little bit now but nothing organized. It is my catch all room and can quickly become a mess. I am trying to change all of this and not spend much money on it at all. I really need to create a room plan and try to carry it out.

Once I take pictures of above items I will post those to give the full visual effect.

I would love to know what sorts of crafty things others do or have done. Anyone care to share?

I am always looking for great organizing and craft ideas. I am obsessed.

Scare Me to Death

Last night was one of our weekly skating lessons. All was going great.

Then with about 5 minutes left my sister in law fell and hit her head on the ice.

They got her off and had her sit in the hockey bench area. They got her ice packs and had her hold them on her big ole goose egg on the back of her head. The lady who runs the rink insisted on calling the paramedic just to be safe she was ok. They didn't want her to drive if she had a concussion or something worse.

My SIL really didn't want to go to the hospital, though. The rink lady told her that they would just come out and check her but that they wouldn't take her unless absolutely necessary.

While we waited for them to show up I took Jaclyn back on the ice for a lap. Once we got all the way around the paramedic were there. So we got off the ice.

There is a concession stand area that has lockers and benches in it that is over slightly from where my SIL was sitting getting her once over. Jaclyn wanted to get a drink of water at the water fountain in the concession area so I let her go in. I could see her through the glass doors as the water fountain is just inside the doors. There are also two sets of doors on either end of the concession stand.

While she was getting her drink of water the paramedic and rink lady called me over to see if I could take her to the hospital because they felt she should really have a doctor check her out just to be safe before she got on a plane. You see she was heading to San Francisco today for a week.
This whole conversation took maybe 2 minutes tops. I look back and......

Jaclyn is gone.

I didn't immediately panic but I started looking for her. I think she couldn't have gotten far. Maybe she sat on one of the benches. Maybe she went back on the ice. Maybe.....

I can't find her. Now I am starting to panic and calling her name. I look in the concession stand area again.

Nothing.

I look on the ice again.

Nothing.

I look over by my SIL again.

Nothing.

Now my heart is racing. Oh my God. Where is she. I am still calling her name and I head for the doors to the outside alcove area that is before the doors that actually go outside.

And then I see her coming back in the doors to the rink area.

She is crying really hard. I scoop her up and hold her tight. She is crying and saying "I couldn't find you, mommy." and I am still just holding her tight telling her that I couldn't find her either. That I was looking all over for her. And all she can keep saying is that she couldn't find me.

Once we were both calmed down and in the car we had a little chat. She had seen my sister and her friend leave and thought I was with them. I reminded her that I would never leave her anywhere and that she is never ever ever ever ever ever to go outside if she can't find me. I reminded her to find someone who works there and tell them that she can't find her mommy. I asked her if she was scared. And she said she was. So I told her to always remember how that felt so that she can always remember to stay right by me.

I pray that this scared her enough to never leave my side in the store again.

As for my SIL, we followed her to the urgent care since she insisted to me that she was ok to drive. The doctor checked her out and said she should be fine and was fine to get on a plane. That the swelling went down a little while she was there with the ice on her head. And that it was a good thing she didn't hit head first.

So all is well again but I am still freaked out.

I don't know what I would do if something ever happened to my daughter. I just don't know....

Soccer Dad

There are people who would never win an award for their patience. On some days that is me but most days I can deal with whatever is going on. On most days that would be my dh. Add a competitive sport in the mix and you can forgetaboutit.

My daughter plays soccer. She played for the 6 week spring session and now she has played the 6 week fall session.

She has greatly improved in just those 2 sessions.

Last spring she had a female coach who didn't know anything about the game and didn't really teach the kids too well. I give her credit for stepping up to coach, though. She did it because the league was short coaches, therefore she stepped up to the plate or rather the line. I don't like to criticize her because of this. But even then my husband would get so upset with Jaclyn because she wouldn't fully pay attention to the game. A few times when she tried to get the ball she would get pushed down. Or hurt. And she would come to me crying. But she would still try. Give her a break away and she would score a goal just about every time. There was one game she scored 5 goals alone.

Crying is not an option.

Being 4 is not an option.

So now in this fall session she had a really good coach and was getting in there. Trying to get the ball more. She isn't scoring as much as she did in the spring because there are other kids who are older who are better at the game. The league is for under 6 (including 6). She is still 4. Some kids have been playing for 3 years. This is still really her first year.

Lack of experience is not an option.

But she can run fast. And again given the break away she will try to score. She probably only scored 5 goals this whole session. But she tried. She didn't cry once. But also didn't have a need to cry.

Other than the constant pressure when Dad was there. I feel bad for her. She needs to learn how to love a sport before she can excel in it. She loves to dance. She loves her ice skating. I think she could love soccer but I also think if the pressure continues she will learn to hate it.

I yell from the side lines also but mostly things trying to get her to run or go get it. My tone of voice is encouraging. Not like his voice. He doesn't understand. He would be mad if he knew I put this out there. But I need to get it out.

This fall there was a girl on her team that was given $1 for every goal she scores from her grandpa. Ok. Good incentive. And she fights for it. Even with her own team. So of course my husband thought what a great idea. Luckily, he asked me what I thought about it first. I told him I didn't like it so much. It doesn't promote team play in a team sport. It promotes personal gain above all else. I would much rather give her an incentive for playing her hardest. Trying her hardest no matter if she scores a goal or not. So that is what we did. She looked forward to the slushies she would get if she played hard. Of course my idea of her playing hard is different from my husband's but that is somewhat ok. We decided together whether or not she would get her slushy. Mostly she did. But on the days she didn't she knew she wasn't really paying attention to the game. Everyone has off days.

But her last game was soooooooo. I can't even think of an appropriate word. She was tired. She had school that morning and a long day. She tried. She played. But once again the other team didn't have enough players for them all to play and our kids were rotated. She never does good when that happens. She can't really get into the rhythm of the game. A few times she didn't pay attention to what was going on. But she tried. And my husband bitched. Kind of under his breath most of the time. I tried to tell him enough. He didn't listen. Even my mother in law had heard enough. His tone was so biting. He had had a terrible day at work so he just shouldn't have come. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to exhibit his patience with a bunch of kids playing soccer. It got to the point where I had to tell him nobody wants to hear it anymore. I can imagine what the other parents were thinking. And my poor daughter. She doesn't need to hear it.

She is four.

She is learning.

This is her chance to have fun playing a sport.

I hope and pray she doesn't ever truly feel the pressure.

She will never be forced to be involved in something she doesn't like as long as I have a say in it.

Does anyone else have problems with the male competitive nature?

Field Trip

Today Jaclyn got to go on her first school field trip. It was to an apple farm. I took the morning off of work to be one of the parent drivers. I plan to do this again for her next one also. I am not sure I am ready to let another parent that I don't know drive her anywhere. I am really trying to not be too overprotective but it is really hard. With all of the crimes against kids these days you just never know. Plus I don't know what kind of drivers they are.

Anyone else who would have been leery about letting your child go in someone else's car?

Anyway, I get off subject.

When you get there you take a tracker pulled wagon ride across the land. The first thing the kids got to do was go through a child size cornstalk maze. Jaclyn went running through it in no time.

They were also able to peddle little trackers around a track. All of the kids were having a really hard time being able to peddle well enough as they were really heavy and hard to move.

Then they moved on to either the sand box or the play houses made of wood. One was set up like a schoolhouse and the other like a regular house.

In another area was all sorts of hay to climb on and had slides built into the hay. The kids were running around and having a great time getting all full of hay. One girl looked like she was a scarecrow.

From there they got to go down slides made from trees and across a bridge to another slide. The kids weren't sliding too well until they figured out to lay down on their backs with their feet up. Then they really starting booking down the slides.

We went on a hike through the woods. Each kid had to pick up 2 leaves to give to the teacher. She is taking those back to class. They had a snack at a pavilion in the woods.

One of the teachers found a whoolybear caterpillar to show them. All of their little faces were bunched around the teacher to get a good look at it.

Once back around to the front they got back in line for the tracker ride. We all piled back onto the wagon and headed back towards the cars.

I drove Jaclyn plus one other little girl from her class. On the way to the farm she didn't say anything. Not even a peep (and not the marshmallow kind). But on the way back she wouldn't be quiet. It was rather amusing to me.

The only thing that was grossing me out was she kept sneezing and making a nasty sound when she coughed. Her nose kept running also. Jaclyn was sitting right next to her in the car so I am praying she doesn't get sick. At one point they went to share the rest of their snacks and I told them they couldn't. I couldn't help it. I swear I am getting to be such a germaphobe. Anyone else feel the same way? I wonder if it is just me.

School Violence

It seems more and more people or children are taking guns into the school and killing anyone and everyone they can. I can't comprehend this.

It scares me more and more. With every new shooting I worry more because not only are my nieces and nephews in school currently but my precious little girl has started going to school. Granted she is only in pre-school this year but that soon will change.

On some level I would love to know what that person is thinking. I would love to know what makes a person think it is a good idea to kill children in any format.

I realize I sound like an old fart when I say this statement, but, I don't ever remember fearing for my safety at school on this level. Our only fear is that a rivalry school would come to ours and start a fight. A good old fashioned fist fight. Not good. But not deadly.

What is alarming also is how the media won't let it go. For every news channel or radio station has to recount the headlines and some in depth. I don't let Jaclyn watch the news when I can help it. I don't want her to worry about these things yet. I don't want her innocence taken away. I listen to a family friendly morning radio show and the other day they recounted the news headlines.

I was driving Jaclyn to my sister in laws house so I could go to work. On this short drive she heard the headline, "Children shot at school....." Of course she repeated it in a concerned voice.
I was caught a little off guard and didn't know what to say. So I said something lame like, "That won't happen at your school. That happened far away from us."

That was only half true. It wasn't all that far away and it was in an amish community. I would never have guessed that would happen.

I feel for those parents. Their beliefs are to forgive and that when it is your time there is nothing you can do. The details of how you die are not what counts but when. I don't think I could be that strong if someone hurt my child.

Sometimes I really believe this world is going to hell. I really hope I am wrong.