Dieting

I am refusing to diet.

That said, I really really want to lose weight. It is so hard and I am not sure I could really list the reasons why. One is that in my house I am the only one with a problem. My husband has been blessed with a high metabolism that allows him to eat any and all foods he wants and never has any consequences. I am hoping my daughter has been blessed with this as well.

I try to teach her not to worry about her weight or looks but to be healthy. I want her to never have to struggle like I do. There are too many people around us that only focus on the physical looks of people and will openly criticize people (behind their back but in front of kids). It always makes me wonder what they say about me. My 4 year old daughter has said things about being fat or someone who is fat. I always tell her that is not a nice thing to say because it could hurt someone's feelings. I also always tell her that she doesn't need to worry about that as long as she eats plenty of fruit and veggies and exercises. I always point out when she is simply playing and running around that it is good exercise. I don't want her to think she has to do some sort of formal workout at her age. Just being active is enough.

I fear for a couple of my nieces that they can become anorexic. They are 9 and 12. Too young to be so concerned but they are. There have been times that they have told Jaclyn that if she eats another cookie she will get fat. Even my sister in law that watches her has made similar comments. That mentality is so scary and damaging to me. That is not the message I try to convey. I simply state she has had enough junk food and needs to have something healthier. Never mentioning anything about physical looks. Only stating that to grow up strong she can't eat too much junk food. I don't want it to only be about looks.

As I watch my daughter in our daily life she amazes me with her lack of self conscienceness. She will wear whatever clothes she likes. Not because she likes how they make her body look but because she likes the color or that they are a dress, etc. I often wonder at what point she will tell me she doesn't want to wear something anymore because it makes her butt look funny or some other nonsense.

It is hard because the media always refers to body image. Even in Disney movies you will hear the term fat or skinny or some other in between. You will hear about beauty and almost always it is about physical beauty.

I also always try to reinforce to Jaclyn that she is beautiful because she has a good heart and cares about other people. That I love her face and body because of how strong it is and it is growing so quickly and amazes me with what she is able to do and think. I love her hair because it is a fairly boring brown color but has the most amazing highlights I have ever seen naturally with her natural curls at the bottom and most importantly it is hers. I love her beautiful blue eyes because they are the windows to her soul. They allow her to see the best they can and even though she needs to wear her glasses they sparkle when she laughs and create the biggest tears when she cries. And they are hers. I tell her all of these things make her a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside.

I have asked her before when she has said someone was fat if she thought I was. She said no. I really hope she never does. I so want to change myself to be a healthy example to my girl but sometimes I don't know what stops me. I NEED TO CHANGE! I just hope I can find the strength and courage to do it.