Don't Run With Scissors

We have all heard the warnings. They have been imbedded into our brains.

Don't Run With Scissors. Hold them blade down.

But did you hear you also shouldn't run with flip flops on?

See it is the totally cool and hip thing to do there are countless pairs of flip flops in the house for just the 2 of us girls. (Boys & flip flops or even sandles is a major no no in our house)

Picture the fact that I am trying to run out of the house so that we have a few minutes before Belle's soccer game Saturday morning to make it to the shoe store to find her some proper sandles for the summer.

We go out our side door and she of course runs towards the garage.

I realize it is much cooler out than I thought and tell her to come back in while I grab my jacket. I didn't have time to change my flip flops into warm tennis shoes.

Belle proceeds to run back towards the house with me trying to yell, "don't run. don't run...."

Bam. Down she goes. Inches from me.

I gasp.

She cries while I pick her up to survey the damage.

She managed to scrape her knee on the cement step outside our door as well as bang her ear into the screen door I was holding open for her to get back in.

Pictures taken this morning 2 days after injury. Look closely at the corner of her ear and you can see red/black and blue.

I dropped everything in my hands (her soccer bag, my purse, keys, cell phone, water bottle and who knows what else) and run to the kitchen sink and get a cool wet paper towel so she can hold it on her knee since it is now starting to bleed. I didn't mess with her ear too much since I saw that was not bleeding - thank goodness.

I come back to her and she is freaking out at the amount of blood on the paper towel (not really a lot but just the shape of her wound).

Now I am running back and forth to the bathroom to get a proper size bandaid. I can't find one big enough. UGH>

I finally find one that will work well enough for us to stop at the store to purchase larger ones.

Somehow I get her into the car and we still stop quickly at the shoe store. We find her a pair of cute white and pink straberry shortcake sandals as well as a watch I didn't have the heart to tell her no about and we head to the drugstore. We find our 2 packages of band aids just to be safe and head to her soccer game.

We get there with about a minute to spare and my MIL and SIL are waiting. My MIL is trying to yell to Belle to hurry up and get out there because they will be starting soon. In my head I am thinking shut up-do you know what we just went through-we are not just simply running late!!!! But I smile and we get closer and then they see she is hurt.

I get her chair ready because now I am carrying everything I dropped earlier plus 2 chairs, extra band aids and the arm of my wounded child as she is limping across the field.

So she sits and I re-bandage her up which of course involves a bit of drama since she hates to take off the band aids.

She is all wrapped up, soccer socks on, shin guards on, soccer cleats on and the off she goes into the field.

Don't you know she ran as if there was nothing wrong. She even fell twice. And she scored 4 goals.

What a trooper.

Happy Mothers Day

I had the privilege of going to a Mother's Day Tea at Belle's preschool on Wednesday.

They did such a nice job. She served me punch and Strawberry shortcake. Her class performed a little song.

My mom is special. My mom is special.
Look and see. Look and see.
A very special person. A very special person.
That's Mom-my! That's Mom-my!

It was so cute and brought tears to my eyes. But then again I am a sap like that.

She made the place mat, folded the napkin, made a card, flowers in a jar, and even grew marigold flowers from seeds.

She got up this morning and sang her little song for me again. She is making me another card as we speak and gave me 3 more cards already as well as a wind chime.

Friday WIP

On this fine and beautiful Friday I am sadly stuck inside.

But I wanted to share what I am currently working on.

The picture is a little blurry as I took it with my cell phone at work.

But it will hopefully turn out to look like a bag. A Booga Bag to be exact. (that is the name of the pattern)

I will continue knitting it. Then I will felt it. I can't wait.

I am hoping to finish this over the weekend. We will see...

Oh so Crafty

There are so many people who go to work, go home, maybe read a book, and piddle a bit around their house.

I do a lot of those things as well but I also have a need to be crafty.

I have dabbled in so many different types of crafts that I have lost count.

My current obsessions are my scrapbooks, knitting, sewing, and jewelry making.

I have a spare bedroom in our house that I keep slowing taking over. I love that I can keep a project out on the table that is in there. Even Belle has a small kids table set up next to mine. She loves to paint, draw, make jewelry, play with play do, and so many other things.

I have a hard time understanding how someone can have no desire to have a hobby that lets your creative juices flow. These type of people seem to be out there everywhere but I think they can't possibly be happy. Even if they are super busy they need to have something that is their own that they love to fill in the spare moments.

I may only get a few minutes at a time to work on a project but those moments can be so fulfilling. You get great satisfaction looking at something you made yourself.

You belong in ????

I should have known....

You Belong in 1981

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

Me? A product of the 80's? I never would have guessed it.

These are so fun!

Hot

I am stumbling bumbling for the words to express my feelings in this post.

I am not sure how to say this.

I am not sure where to begin.

I guess I should set the stage.

We are driving. J is the actual driver. I am in the passenger seat. And Belle is in the backseat behind J.

We are all just talking to each other and J says something about being hot.

Belle then tries to tell us a story about what happened at preschool.

I finally figured out that Nicky (boy) whispered in Timmy's ear and Timmy then said out loud what Nicky whispered.

He said, "Belle, you're hot!"

WHAT!!!! THESE KIDS ARE 4 AND 5. THIS IS PRESCHOOL FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

I was at a loss of words. I just couldn't believe it. I chuckled a little and then had to talk to Belle about this.

I told her that is really a grown up thing to say. But what it means is that he thinks she is cute but little kids really shouldn't say it that way.

I knew I had to worry about her when she got older because she is really cute if I must say so myself. And she has the "it" factor. People are always drawn to her. Even her teacher (female) said that say is one of the coolest kids she has taught. And the way she was saying it you could tell she was being sincere.

Heaven help me. Not only am I afraid of the bad attitude she may have as a teenager but now I know for a fact to worry about the boys.

She's hot..... Oh brother......

Surprise

You Have Low Self Esteem 40% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail. Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

I took this test from Stepping's post. It is a bit interesting. I was surprised by the answer too.

I always find these things amusing. If you want try it.

WW

I believe I have said it before about joining weight watchers. I just started this session and had my first weigh in yesterday. I kept getting on my scale at home all last week and was feeling pretty good about it.

My weigh in time isn't until lunch time so I had eaten my breakfast and drank some water but all in all it was still good.

I was so excited to see the scale go down by 2.2 pounds for last week. This brings my running total loss to 7.6 lbs.

How exciting! I realize it isn't all that much yet but I hope to keep having that number go up and up.

How To Generate More Traffic

In the spirit of Jennifer's Blog Carnival I am going to post a little something something about how to get more people to see your blog.

Ha. As if I really know anything about that.

All I really know is that it helped me tremendously to comment on other people's blogs. Once I found some that I liked to read myself I just started to post comments. It brought those people back to my site as well as some others.

I get a bit weirded out by the unknown weirdos who may be out there but thankfully I have only met really nice people. Knock on wood I haven't had any bad comments from anyone as well as nothing that has wanted me to password protect my blog.

So that is my great and wonderful advice that no one has been able to live without. hee hee

And I have one more trick
- participate in a blog carnival. ;-)

TGIF

I am so glad it is Friday.

The weather is supposed to be nice this weekend so that is a plus.

I just got 2 free tickets to see Seussical so Belle and I are going to do that tomorrow. I hope she likes it.

She has soccer pictures and a soccer game on Sunday.

J has a fishing tournament on Sunday also and I hope he does really well.

I hope to do some sewing and knitting and hopefully photo editing this weekend also.

My laundry is already just about done. Another plus.

I just can't wait to get this weekend started.

Now I just hope it doesn't go by too quickly...

TV

I realize as I type this that the argument can be made that I watch too much TV. I am not arguing back. I do watch too much.

Thankfully I don't sit in front of the TV all night long every night.

And more often than not I fall asleep while trying to watch. But once it is 8:00-9:00pm on Sunday through Thursday I have shows I like to see. If I miss them, though, I don't worry as my trusty tiv*o box will record them for me.

I try to catch up in the mornings while I am getting ready for work. I fast forward through a lot of the crafty or talk show shows and only watch the parts that interest me.

But what I hate more than anything is if a new show is on and you start to watch it. You get involved in the story line and then without notice it isn't on this week. Or next. Or the week after that. After awhile you start to wonder if you have just missed it. Did they switch days? Or the dreaded is it cancelled thoughts creep in.

There are several shows lately that this has happened to me on. So today I decided to search for the info to know the answer.

I already knew that The Vanishing was taken off but I don't have time to watch the episodes on the computer so that I can know once and for all what happened to the senators wife and was she really who she said she was.

But I found out that Veronica Mars has been cancelled. This was a culty type of show but it was good. Granted not as good as it had been in the past but still good.

I struggled with The Black Donnellys and The Wedding Bells but still got to know the characters.

I am glad that Jericho may have been saved from the cutting room floor as I really like this show.

Also that Friday Night Lights seems that it will be back next year for a second season.

Now granted I have many other shows that I watch such as The Apprentice, Extreme Home Makeover, Dancing with the Stars, American Idal, ER, Lost, Real World and Road Rules Challenges, Greys Anatomy, Ugly Betty, House, and I am sure there are others.

My TV is anything but quiet. There are many a time that I like to leave it turned off on a weekend morning but that only lasts until someone else in the house wakes up.

I just need closure with the shows they get you interested in and then throw out without so much as a goodbye.

Hmmmphf

So last Saturday was my birthday.

I usually don't get excited about my birthday because they tend to be crappy days.

But for the most part Saturday was a pretty good day. I got to spend the morning with Belle since my husband went fishing. She had soccer practice then I planned on taking her to our favorite local ice cream shop that just re-opened Saturday for the summer. So my first bummer part was the fact that my husband came home earlier than expected and was able to go with us. I wouldn't have minded that really but that meant his mom had to come with us. I usually don't care about that either but I was really looking forward to it being just Belle and I.

Then we went home and I still had to clean the bathroom and poop scoop from our little dog. There is just something wrong with dealing with poop on your birthday. But hey someone had to do it if we were going to let people see our bathroom and also play on the grass in the back yard. So that was my second bummer of the day. My husband told me if he had cleaned it that I just would have gone and done it again anyway. As this may be partially true I would have only had to do a double check.

Everyone came over and we all had a good time but again it was up to me to get out all of the food and then clean up. Nobody really helped. I couple people offered but at that point I was almost done. I even tried to leave some stuff in the sink but no one stepped up to take over. The only dishes I wanted to wash were my good serving pieces. But other than that it was free game. Sadly I don't have a dishwasher.

All in all I had a good birthday. Nearly perfect. It just is such a downer for me because I get such mixed emotions going. I don't like to be the center of attention but yet it would be so nice if I was just pampered and had something truly special done for me. Maybe someday that will happen.

My birthday has also lighted the fire under me to get a move on with my weight loss efforts. I am really trying to be a good little ww member and write down my foods. I would love to lose 25 pounds by the time Belle goes to kindergarten. I realize that is a lofty goal but a girl has to aim high. Yesterday I did pretty good and I am trying to do even better today. We will see how it goes.

Tragedy

My heart goes out to all students and parents today. Especially those involved in today's events.

I can't even imagine and I don't want to.

It is so very sad. And scary.

Flying Saucers

Belle and I were in a store shopping on Saturday.

She is being silly and loudly saying things like, "Mommy, watch out there is a bear behind you"
and "Mommy, watch out there is a lion over there that is going to get you. Watch out!"

And then, "Mommy, watch out there is a flying saucer over your head!"

I of course crack up.

I ask her if she knows what a flying saucer is.

She tells me, "It is something that flies spilling sauce"

I stop right there in the store and give her a great big hug and tell her how much she makes me laugh and that her description makes total sense but that is not what a flying saucer is.

I tell her it is like a spaceship that carries aliens. I also ask her if she knows what an alien is.

Oh boy because she doesn't know what an alien is. And without wanting to go into the whole what is life thing and how it may be possible we are the only planet with life but then again we may not be and aliens may just be something people have made up in their minds and in movies. But you definitely don't want to be abducted by them just in case they are real and they really do perform tests on us mere humans since we may or may not be smarter than aliens. blah blah blah.

I just asked her if she remembered the movie where "hitch" (will smith) was in a different movie that he had to get the bad monsters (aliens) and wore a black suit. Thankfully (or not) she remembered even though I didn't let her watch that whole movie (too many guns) and then it was smooth sailing from there.

Who knows what she really got out of that but I know I got a great memory. My girl definitely cracks me up (in a great way)!

Frustrated

I am so frustrated with my little craft project. It was a sewing project that I was quite excited about until I got into it.

You see I have never used fusible interfacing before and let me tell you I am not liking it so far.

I fused it to the proper side.

I then pinned my pieces together.

I tried to sew the front and the back together.

This is where the problems start. My thread keeps bunching up and breaking.

I have to rip it all out and I just had to step away.

UGH>>>>

Happy Easter

What a great weekend. I got most of my lists finished. Had time to enjoy things.

And most importantly my girl had so much fun as did the other kids.

We had some bad weather which forced the egg hunt inside which turned out to be fun. Except when someone broke the ceramic on my double crock pot. At least it wasn't something I use very often. I can probably do without it.

When I asked Belle what her favorite part of the day was she told me it was the egg hunt with a huge smile on her face and her shoulders pulled up in excitement. I guess it didn't hurt that she found the "golden" egg worth a prize of $10.

Cute Story

Yesterday morning Belle woke up too early. I was up already but she still had a little while to sleep.

So I went upstairs but left the lights turned off so I wouldn't wake her up more.

I go to sit on her bed and grab her because she was crying a bit since I didn't hear her right away (I was washing dishes and didn't hear much of anything else).

I am groping around trying to find her and I am saying, "Where are you? I can't see you." in a silly kind of voice.

She gets on my lap and puts both of her little hands on my face and says, "mommy, I'm right here."

It was just so cute I couldn't stand it.

Gratitude Friday

I wish I had a picture to go with this little story but I don't and that is ok.

As you know I have been sick all week. I am very grateful that I have not had a fever, though. A fever stops me in my tracks.

I am grateful that I have been able to accomplish the following from my spring cleaning list:

Main Bathroom:
-clean tub
-clean light fixture

Upstairs Bathroom:
-clean toilet
-clean sink
-clean mirror
-vacuum

Basement Bathroom:
-clean toilet
-clean sink
-clean mirror
-sweep floor
-mop floor

Basement
-sweep
-mop
-straighten up
-wash all clothes

Upstairs
-change sheets
-make beds
-vacuum

Living Room
-straighten up
-clean glass curio

Dining Room
-clean glass light fixture
-replace light bulbs

Craft/Guest Room
-clean ceiling fan
-clean light

Belle's Room/Play Room
-straighten up
-organize
-clean ceiling fan
-clean light

Kitchen
-put up key hooks
-wash counters
-wash top of microwave
-wash inside of microwave
-clean window
-clean fan
-clean light

So overall I think that is pretty good. Some things I am purposely saving for tonight and tomorrow so they are freshly done for Easter. Some things won't get done this week but that is ok.

And I am most grateful for my daughter laying her hand on mine last night and telling me she will take good care of me always. So sweet!!

p.s. I am always glad it is Friday!!!

So Much To Do - So Little Time

Why oh why do I do this to myself. I host Easter at my house. Generally the weather is nice enough for our easter egg hunt outside and then we hide the kids baskets around my house. We eat dinner and just hang out.

But.....

I also use this as my excuse to do my spring cleaning. So I go beyond the normal cleaning my house would need to be more than presentable.

Warning: boring list you can totally skip if you want.

I have made the following list by room of items I need to complete by Saturday (preferably Friday). Did I mention I work full time also?!

Main Bathroom:
-clean tub
-clean sink
-clean toilet
-clean walls
-sweep floor
-scrup floor
-replace moulding around tub
-clean light fixture
-dust curtains
-clean mirrors
-clean window

Upstairs Bathroom:
-clean toilet
-clean sink
-clean mirror
-vacumm

Basement Bathroom:
-clean toilet
-clean sink
-clean mirror
-clean shower
-sweep floor
-mop floor

Basement
-sweep
-dust
-mop
-straighten up
-wash all clothes
-clean tables

Upstairs
-change sheets
-make beds
-clean windows
-straighten up
-dust
-vacumm
-clean ceiling fan

Living Room
-dust
-vacumm
-straighten up
-wash blankets
-clean windows
-clean glass curio

Dining Room
-clean glass patio doors
-dust
-sweep floor
-mop floor
-put up pictures
-touch up paint
-put away mail
-put away shoes
-change mat
-put away shelf stuff
-clean glass light fixture
-replace light bulbs

Craft/Guest Room
-straighten up
-dust
-put up shelves
-put up shelf curtains
-vacumm
-clean windows
-clean ceiling fan
-clean light

Belle's Room/Play Room
-straighten up
-organize
-get rid of small clothes/shoes
-get rid of toys
-dust
-vacumm
-clean windows
-clean ceiling fan
-clean light

Kitchen
-put up key hooks
-get and put up magazine type rack
-wash counters
-fix tiles behind sink
-wash top of microwave
-wash inside of microwave
-wash sink
-wash stove
-wash cabinets
-sweep floor
-mop floor
-clean steps
-put out Easter towels
-put out Easter rug
-change deep fryer oil
-empty recycle stuff
-clean out refrigerator
-clean out freezer
-clean window
-clean fan
-clean light


Then I need to do some set up work so that I am not crazy on Easter:
-put out plates
-put out cups
-put out silverware
-get out ice bucket
-get serving plates out and set up
-thaw bunny cakes
-decorate bunny cakes
-slice cucumbers
-make veggie dip
-put up spare table and table cloth
-put out candy
-peel & cut potatoes
-stuff baskets
-hide baskets
-stuff 500 plastic eggs
-scatter plastic eggs
-make deviled eggs
-color Easter eggs


So if anyone is still reading this I commend you. I am really just trying to get my game plan in order. What should I do on each day to accomplish this long list. I know it won't all get done and a lot of it is extra spring cleaning stuff but I would love to accomplish this list. Once this list is done I can relax for the summer. Plus my birthday is 2 weeks after Easter so everyone will be back at my house. If I can get this list done I won't have to do much at all for my birthday which is a bonus.

I am also trying my best to fight off a cold. UGH>

I shall overcome!! hee hee

High School Plays

My niece is in her high school's play which started last night. She is in 2 a year and I try to go to them all.

Since she is a senior this year, (I have no idea how that happened) I felt I had to go last night (since it is free for the immediate family on Wednesday.

It started at 7:00 but I got there at about 7:15. Oops.

It is just Belle and I since J wouldn't go. He is such a party pooper but god forbid someone doesn't go to something of Belle's. But that is another story.

Anyway, we get there and it already started so we try to sneak in quietly so as not to disturb others.

I find a door that is open and we go through. I am in front.

Wow it was soooooo dark that I couldn't see anything in front of me. Even with my new & improved eyesight. I take a few steps and ouch. I twist my ankle on steps that I had no idea were there. So now I take Belle's hand and we are gingerly stepping in front of us so we don't tumble down the stairs. There were probably 6 steps. Why wouldn't they have any little lights on them.

We make it to our seats that were a bit too close. And we watch and we wait.

Where is she?

This goes on until 8:45 and my niece was hardly in it. I knew she didn't have a huge role this time but come on.

We brought her a few really pretty pink roses so we saw her afterward long enough to give her the flowers and for her to see us.

And then we hightailed it out of there to get home. I was missing some good TV after all.

Belle fell asleep on the way home too.

She should be good and crabby today which will really stink since my SIL who is supposed to be watching her got called in to work at one of the schools today (something she does maybe once a week when she isn't supposed to be watching Belle). So my SIL dropped her off at another family friend's house. I am not liking this arrangement but I had to go to work and didn't have much choice in it (again another story for another time).

Is it time to go home yet? I want this day to be over. I am tired and just a tad freaked out (even though I know I shouldn't be).

Cows

I was wracking my brain yesterday to try to remember what it was that I wanted to blog about. I knew I had an idea. I even thought at the time I have to remember this because this is something that needs to be documented. But I couldn't remember to save my life.

Then last night at Belle's dance class another mom said something that turned on my light bulb.

We were driving the other day (Belle and I) and she says to me, "The cow's private parts feel funny. I don't like it."

Me giggling I try to say something but it comes out all mumbled.

She then proceeds to tell me that it is rough but the part above it is soft.

I am trying so hard not to out right laugh. I am after all trying to encourage her to tell me anything and everything.

I had to ask her which part was the cows private part and she told me it was the part where the milk comes out.

So I tried to explain that it wasn't really their private parts. That it is a little different because it was a milking cow and that is how we get our milk. But technically that isn't true.
Anyway, she said she is NOT milking a cow again.

Of course in my head I am saying, "You just remember that feeling until you are much, much, much older"

Dinosaurs

Belle has been learning about dinosaurs this week in school.

I asked her what they learned. She tells me that they are dead now because it got too cold and then too hot.

Okay.

And the rest of the conversation went like this:

Me-Were people there with the dinosaurs?

Belle-No.

Me-Do you think dinosaurs are interesting?

Belle-Yes.

Me-Do you know what interesting means?

Belle-No.

Me-Do you want to learn more about dinosaurs?

Belle-No.

Me-What do you like to learn about?

Belle-Animals.

Me-Do you know dinosaurs were animals?

Belle-Yes, but I want to learn about cows, pigs, horses, and sheep. Will you pretend to be a cow or a sheep or a pig and I can ride around on your back?

Me-How do you ride around on a pig?

Belle-We just pretend. Can we?

Me-Maybe on a day I stay home with you.

Belle-Ok....

Oh boy. I guess I will be oinking and mooing a lot this weekend.

It Shouldn't Be This Hard

It is getting worse before it is getting better.

I don't know what to do.

It is sad that I am crying in the shower this morning because of the stress.

I am praying for an uneventful day.

I wish I could go into details but I am afraid the wrong people may see it.

I just needed to let a little emotion out before the day really got started.

Who Knew She Would Get It

There have been things I have encountered as Belle has been growing up that I never thought kids had to learn.

I was so surprised that one day in her dance class that the girls did not know how to skip. They had to be taught.

But all kids skip. They just know how to do it.

When you think about it skipping is a little complex. It isn't like running that comes naturally from walking...

So imagine my surprise that kids need to learn to get a sense of humor.

But they are already funny.

They think we are hilarious. (most of the time)

When I had her teacher conference for pre-school they mentioned that she is a great girl with a great personality and is really getting it when you tell her jokes.

I have been thinking about that. I hadn't really noticed a difference because I have always joked with her. Partially to be silly but also partially to get her to think for herself.

For example we would always joke about worms. I would say gross and I'm not touching those and things of that nature. She would just laugh at me and try to convince me that they just tickle in your hand.

While we were on our road trip we were looking at fish in an aquarium.

I said, "Look that one looks gold. Or silver. Maybe it is silver and gold"

She sings, "Silver and gold, Silver and gold"

And I start cracking up.

I ask her if she remembers what that was from.

Her response with a bit of please mom of course I know, "Rudolph"

I grab her and hug her and go on and on about how she got it.

We were both laughing so hard people were looking at us but I didn't care. I will never see those people again anyway.

Weather

The weather here yesterday was very warm. 74 degrees to be exact-ish.

Let's just say that is very unusual for us in March.

It was sunny and warm and wonderful.

Belle had a field trip to a farm that daddy and I went on.

So we spent the morning there which was a perfect day for it. Belle even tried to milk a cow which was surprising. She sometimes will shy away from things she is unsure of so I was very proud of her for being brave and touching it.

We then took her out to lunch. Her and I got pancakes while J got lunch type food. We had a great time all around.

When we were home we cleaned up the yard (from the dog frequenting it all winter-yuck) and she was able to play on her swing set for a while.

Belle and I went for a short walk as it was getting late but the child cannot walk next to you. Anywhere. She kept running in front of me or just generally walking in front of me. I told her that I didn't want to walk with her if she wasn't going to walk next to me. And her response was,
"But mom, I am the leader."

So there it is. Finally. The real reason she treats us like her peeps. She is the leader. And some days that is probably and sadly true.

We also tye-dyed some socks pink. She was so excited to have on rubber gloves and get to stir the socks in the plastic container in the sink.

All in all it was a great day (being away from work made it that much sweeter)!

Road Trip

We took a road trip over the weekend to a Bass Pro Shop store. Which for my husband meant many hours of shopping for fishing items which is what he loves.

For Belle and I it meant many hours of shopping in the mall.

This is the first year she got to walk on her own and I must say she did really well. She has a tendency to try to wander off to look at something or to walk in front of me as if I were her entourage.

Before we left she thought of bringing her small baby doll stroller so that she could push it in the mall. I had told her we would see but in my head I was thinking this is a great bargaining source as well as keeping her by me with something to do. My husband on the other hand was totally against it. He kept saying what a bad idea it was.

But we brought it and on Saturday she got to push it to her hearts delight. We only had a couple of instances where she got out of control with it. And once where she bumped into a man with it and didn't say anything to him. When I asked her why she didn't tell him she was sorry she said because he was a stranger. I can't argue with that theory.

I bought myself a pair of boring shoes but they are pink which made them cute in my book. I bought some clothes for Belle and she bought all sorts of stuff at the Sanri* (Hello Kit*y) store. I even snuck in a few things from there to put in her Easter basket. The funny thing is she bought a travel size toothbrush to use in the hotel. But we had left it in the car so she didn't get to use it. She also bought a cute pink lipstick. When we got home we were looking through all of her stuff and we opened the toothbrush and lipstick. As I was looking at the toothbrush with scrunched eyebrows trying to figure it out she tells me that the lipstick doesn't work too good. As I figure out the toothbrush I take a look at the lipstick. Perhaps if I had read the label I would have found out that they were both erasers. Needless to say we were cracking up.

Anyway I am supposed to be off of work all week but I am not going to waste all of the time if we are not doing anything. I am going in for about part of the time. The rest I am still taking off to try to keep my sanity and take a break from that grind.

The weekend was fun but of course too fast.

Harassment

What does it mean to be harassed?

I would really like to know.

I would like to know how someone else can't see that they are harrassing you.

But what do you do?

There isn't much to be done since there is no backup.

It isn't sexual.

It is just harrassing.

And.it.is.exhausting.

Oh Yeah - Cold Update

Thanks for my well wishes. I am still sick but not really feeling bad. But for the past few days I have laryngitis. It is fun trying to answer the phone with no voice.

Pre-School Parent Conferences

Dum Dum Dum (sounds ominous)

It was time to find out exactly how Belle was doing in school. I have had my concerns for her school performance.

She is very smart. But doesn't like to take the time to get things right. Gets easily frustrated and gives up.

Socially I think she does just fine. She likes other kids and likes to play. My concerns here is she will be one of the mean popular girls. But she tells me about her squabbles at school and I tried to guide her the best I can to be able to stand up for herself in a manner that will earn her respect and like ability. Something I am not sure I was able to pull off myself in school. And she will try what I suggest which is saying a lot.

First her teacher sent home a copy of the review format they used:

Social Skills: Good (She gets a check mark for all of the items listed here as she is able to do them and does them without direction)
-participates during circle time
-listens when others talk
-shares materials and takes turns
-cooperative in group activities
-plays with two or more children
-has good self confidence
-listens and follows multi-step directions

Reading Readiness: Good (again gets check marks for all items)
-can print own name
-enjoys stories
-uses sentences when speaking (on this she got a usually which means sometimes she opts to try to give a short answer instead of using a full sentence)
-contributes ideas
-recites alphabet
-recognizes letters
-can relate to own words and drawings

Math Readiness: (again gets check marks for all items)
-can count up to 28
-recognizes 1-10 (sometimes confuses 6 & 8 but can recite to 20)
-matches numerals with objects
-understands patterns (nice)

Others: (Nice Job!) (again gets check marks for all items)
-colors
-shapes
-body parts
-enjoys art projects
-holds scissors properly
-can cut on lines
-holds crayons and pencil properly
-small muscle coordination (painting, puzzles, drawing)
-large muscle coordination (hopping, skipping, jumping)
-My favorite thing to do in preschool is play with the babies. (this was her reply to the question)


Then her teacher wrote this about her:
Belle is a sweet young lady with a great personality. She has grown up quite a bit even since September. She seems more sure of herself and is more independent. Her listening skills, comprehension skills and language skills are all developing nicely.

Belle is friendly and helpful. She enjoys playing with a nice group of friends - especially with the kitchen area and the dolls. They enjoy pretending.

Continue working with her and reading to her. Ask questions-have her tell the story back to you or tell you what happened in a short TV show.

Expose her to groups of children with summer activities. Keep her busy-she'll continue to grow. I am sure she will have a great year next year.

Thanks for sharing her with us-we've enjoyed having her in class.

They also included a picture she drew of herself back in September which was basically a head with arms and legs coming out of it. Then another picture of herself done at the end of January. What a difference. She now has a body and all around a better head, hair, arms, legs, and all.
Plus she had to draw things she likes to see. She drew a princess which I personally think she did great on. As well as grapes, blueberries and a carrot. All of which looked like they were supposed to. Maybe I have a budding artist on my hands. When we went for her kindergarten assessment/registration she had to draw something she likes and she drew a lady bug. And they knew just what it was because you could tell.

My little girl is all I hoped she would be. I just knew she was brilliant. Plus her teacher said she does not get frustrated at school and they can tell that she sits herself down and really tries her hardest. Maybe she is hearing me say that is all that matters.

She is growing up so fast........

Damn

My Belle is a bit petite I guess you could say. She is just now getting big enough to fit into a booster seat at the ripe old age of 5.

We have had our eye on a particular model.

I liked it because it got great reviews for safety and comfort and she liked it because it had the princesses on it.

So I have been trying to find it so that I can purchase this seat.

I

can't

find

it

anywhere.

I decided I was going to call the manufacturor (Graco) and see what they can tell me.

It.Has.Been.Discontinued.And.Is.No.Longer.Available.UGH>

I asked if any stores may still have them and he said possibly but he doubts it since it was very popular. Since it was so popular I asked if they would be coming back out with it.

And his answer

That is up to Di&ney not us.

Double UGH>>

Back to the drawing board.

Almost Made it Home Free

This winter has been a strange one. Temps in the spring like catagory. I kept wishing it would at least get cold for awhile so that it would kill all of the germs.

Then the temps took a nose dive and we were colder than Alaska. Weather wise February was a nasty month. It is just about over and is still keeping us on our tows.

But before it would leave it felt the need to leave me with a little surprise. Not a good surprise but a sniffly, coughing, aching, fever type of surprise.

Beginning last Saturday afternoon I started with a fever. So I spent the rest of the day on the couch (besides cooking dinner). Sunday I felt better and the fever was gone. I still didn't feel great but definitely better.

Monday morning I get up and I am just fine.

NOT>

I get to work and then the sneezing starts. But evening the dry cough. But 8 I am the sneezing, running nose and dry cough. I take some meds which help a little. So by 9 I can't talk. My husband of course thinks I am exaggerating and keeps getting me to try to repeat what I said about 24. I finally get it out which send me into a coughing fit. Needless to say he didn't ask me to use my words for the rest of the night.

Today. Repeat. Last. Night. But. At. Work.

Phone Calls

Why do people have to hang up on you?

Don't they know how hurtful that is?

Maybe they do and that is why they do it.

Needless to say this day has not gone very well at all. And the phone hang up was the icing on the cake.

Today

I am OK for this minute. That may change as the day goes on but Fridays are usually a bit better because I know that the weekend is here.

Plus someone sent me this link. I needed that.

Yesterday I was in no frame of mind to contemplate spinning on one foot at skating last night. But we got there (early) and I just relaxed a bit. I did the spinning on one foot and didn't fall so yeah for me. But then we did some jumps. I didn't want to leave. I wish I could remember the names of them. I got home with a big smile on my face. I just love to skate. I am a bit sad that this is our last 6 week session before it ends for the summer. This morning driving in to work I had a thought. I would love to get good enough to become an instructor for the little ones. I don't think I would be able to teach more advanced but maybe someday.

I am officially in skater training. I need to lose several (to put it mildly) pounds and what greater motivator than to be able to do something I love better. I am hoping this is the key to making me stick to it. I have been trying for a long time but without much luck. I have joined WW and hope to be back on track. One of my biggest challenges is that I love to have cereal in the morning. I am proud to say that I have successfully made this whole week with no cereal. I have had my oatmeal everyday with the exception of yesterday I had a bagel. So I hope to see some change on the scale when I weigh in on Monday. Wish me luck.

So happy TGIF everyone.

Blue

Have you ever felt like you are all alone? Felt betrayed? Felt depressed? Felt guilty? Felt like you are not yourself? Felt generally blue?

That is how I have been feeling. I can't shake this funk I seem to be in. I know a lot has to do with work but that is not something that I can change right now.

I work in an environment that is mostly women. And the women in power have no kids. I think that speaks volumes. They seem empathetic to the working moms but I don't think they really get it. They don't understand what it means to have someone else's life completely in your hands. To be responsible for that little person's every need/move. To daily be told to just ask my boss if I can stay home another day with her. To have someone cry because all they want is for their mommy to stay with them so they don't have to go to someone else's house to be watched. To have this little person grow up so quickly that you are so unsure of your future and how life will be when she doesn't worship the ground you walk on. To love someone truly more than life itself. To say you would die so that this little person could live and really mean it. Until you are a mom you really can't fully understand this. You can logically think that but you cannot feel it.

You would think that a bunch of women could get along. You would think that they wouldn't stab you in the back every chance they can. You would think that people could mind their own business and stop making up stories that they believe to be true. You see I don't partake in those activities therefore I am somewhat an outsider even in my own department. I have been in this department for just about 7 years. You would think I would have made a close friend by now. Sadly every time I try to trust someone they turn around and stab me in the back. I am really struggling with it right now. I know I will get over it and move on but each time it happens it takes a little bit more of me. I don't talk too much about my personal life. I will talk about Belle some but not really about the stuff that matters. I don't want these people to know anything more about me. I now feel that any little detail about my life will at some point be used against me. That is a very lonely feeling. For example, if they knew that my husband picks up Belle usually then they could change my hours on me without me having an excuse. I have been accused of being sneaky because I went out to lunch instead of staying at my desk. That came from the person who called another co-worker to open her office door and turn on her fountain so that it would look like she was in already and not just leaving her house. I think people feel this need to hurt me because they don't understand me so I am an easy target. And because I refuse to kiss any one's ass or tattle on others I am not high on the favorite list. I think my boss likes me well enough but I wouldn't be on the keep list if she were Willamina from the Ugly TV show.

I am just tired. So very tired of living life like I am in junior high school. I am a fairly easy going person so I am able to still get along. It is just days like this that bring me down. I am just so done with most of these people. I can't be the fake two faced person they want me to be. I just can't do it. I just need to remember that the reason I work is not for this career but for my family. I am truly happiest when I have a day off.

I don't share these thoughts and feelings with my hubby since he can't understand. And all it would do is to make him paranoid that I am losing my job. Which is so not the case as these are mainly my issues and no one knows I feel this way.

I will climb out. It will just take me some time.

Random Wednesday

We did finally dig out from under the snow last week. Now it is starting to melt away. It looks all gross and brownish black. So long pretty white fluffy stuff. Hopefully we won't have any flooding.

What is up with Britney's head?! Who does that! She is so whack. Her poor kids will have a lot of hurdles to overcome and I bet money won't be the solution. Hopefully they can grow up to be good contributors to society. We don't need any more crazy rich kids who feel they can do whatever they want whenever they want.

I also feel really sorry for Anna Niccole's baby girl. I wonder if all of these men would be fighting over her if she didn't have a nice inheritance coming her way. Also why is everyone fighting over the burial. If she expressed her wishes then let them be.

I was driving to work this morning and two cars behind me there was a crash. That was a little weird. If I had been just a few seconds slower at some point this morning that would have been me in that car crash. It wasn't anything serious but who cares.

Today is ash Wednesday so everyone will be walking around with dirty foreheads. ;-)

It is foggy.

This afternoon is Belle's kindergarten assessment/orientation. God help me.

Snow Day

Yippeeee for me!!

It was snowing so much that my company decided late last night to close for today!!!

So what have I done on this fine Valentine's Day?

I started out with a driveway filled with snow that my husband had to shovel a bit this morning so that he could get out to go to work.

I took a picture of my neighbor trying to dig out. He doesn't know I did it though. hee hee

Belle and I played inside and watched Cinderella III. I never knew there was a number II.

She took a nap so I cleared our driveway. I started with the snow blower and then ended up having to shovel a huge portion as it stopped working. So I am sure I will be in the dog house when my husband gets home. So now the driveway looks like this.

Here are some other photos of our yard. Now that they can be seen. Sadly it is tooo cold to play outside and make a snowman. Oh well.

Somewhere under this pile of snow are my rose bushes. I hope they survive.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

Brrrrrr

So it is snowing again. It took me over an hour to get home from work.

Check these out. Views from my house. Not very good but you get the idea.

Sooooo Sleeeeepyyy

I am sitting here at work trying to do my work and all I want to do is put my head down on my desk and fall asleep.

I think my tv watching is catching up with me. I had a couple of late nights this week. I don't get to really sit down and watch the shows when they are on so we tivvo them and watch them either later that morning or I will turn them on and watch while getting ready for work in the morning.

This week started late on Monday from watching Prison Break and 24. Then on to Tuesday which wasn't too bad time wise. Wednesday was another late one with the return of Lost at 10pm. Definitely past my bedtime. Last night I was up past 10 again but that is because we stayed a little bit for the open skate after our lessons.

So now it is all hitting me at once while I try to read my emails.

bonk. OUCH. Now my forehead hurts from hitting it on the keyboard as I fell asleep for a moment.

Oh boy, wish me luck. I really need to get some work done.

Butt Munch

We all have sweet affectionate names for the people we love. I often call Belle babe, cutie, sweetheart, sweetie, and many others. Some silly. Some sweet. Some sincere. Some smart ass.

When it comes to my husband things are different. I have never been one to call some random person honey or sweetie. And that goes for my husband as well.

His pet names tend to be:

-Tard
-Loser
-Goof
and lately
-Butt Munch

He knows I say these in the most loving way. I never say them when I am mad or to be mean.

Last night was no exception. He did or said something (obviously it left a lasting impression) and my reply was, "You are such a butt munch."

Belle then says, "Yeah a butt munch" quietly. I tell her that she really shouldn't call daddy that and only mommy is allowed to tease daddy like that.

She says, "OK".

A little while later I am getting her ready to take her bath and she tells me that I am a munch butt. I of course start laughing and ask her where she heard that. She tries to think of where she heard it and came up with a couple of possibilities.

I ask her if she was trying to say butt munch instead like mommy was saying earlier. She denies it but that is really it and I can tell she doesn't want to admit it. Now I am cracking up.

Again I remind her that we can tease each other nicely but she shouldn't say that to anyone else.

I can see it now. A message on my answering machine from the school or another parent. "Your daughter has been calling people names. We can't get her to stop calling everyone a munch butt. Can you please tell her it is butt munch and that it is not nice to call someone that?"

Crispie Treats

I thought I would be the good creative mom. I wanted to contribute to Belle's preschool class valentines day party.

I got the treat bags.

I got the valentines.

I got the recipe idea from a website.

Life was good.

Until......I tried to make it.

I decided I would do a trial run yesterday. It seemed easy enough.

We measured out the ingredients.

I started to melt the butter and then the marshmallows.

Melting those marshmallows was soooooo hard to do. It was almost comical. My arm was actually getting sore. I used the large marshmallows instead of the mini ones. I hope that the mini ones will be a bit easier to do.

I thought about getting my camera to take a picture of the melted marshmallow mess but I couldn't leave the stuff on the stove to go and grab it.

Maybe my next attempt will actually look like these.

Holy Cow

I just looked at the stat counter. It said 1001. Doesn't seem possible.

Thanks to those who made this number a reality.

p.s. that was the best acceptance speech I could muster right now....

More Pictures of the Car

My neice sent me a couple more pictures of the car. These crack me up.

Snow Day

It snowed and snowed and snowed last night. My husband had to clear the driveway twice last night and then still had to do it this morning so we could get out.

Schools were closed.

But I still had to go to work. So I take Belle to my sister in law's house this morning. They never clear their driveway so good thing I had my boots on. They also have extra cars there since they always have some sort of car trouble going on.

We walk in front of the one car parked closest to their garage and this is what I saw. I had to take a picture with my cell phone because it was so funny to look at. The picture is way bad because it was so dark but hopefully you will get the idea.

This looks like one of the cars from the movie cars. And yes those are piles of snow that are making it look like it is smiling.

Letter to My Daughter

Dear Belle,

I have found so much joy in being your mom. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. You have such a spirit about you that I find so amazing.

You can test my patience like no one else. I can get so frustrated when you have a bad attitude. You know what you want and don't want and have no problem voicing your choices. You will tell me you are mad at me for the littlest things. And whining. Oh boy can you whine. There are days that I am not sure I can take any more and just need to have a moment of peace. And as much as I may yell since you choose to block me out when I talk in my normal voice I can't help but think what a strong person you are.

I am such a wimp really. I know you will grow up and not be pushed around by others. I know you will stand up for yourself. You are a much stronger person at 5 than I have ever been. I find that truly amazing.

You are also very smart. I fear that you will not do well in school because you get frustrated easily when you don't get something perfect. But I also know you will do well in school because you have a thirst for knowledge. The first day of preschool you walked in and haven't looked back since.

I love that you are so independent but at the same time still love me to take care of you. I wonder if I am creating a person who will be high maintenance as an adult but know deep down that you can do things for yourself and will when you want to or need to.

You have so many wonderful qualities that I hope will bring you all the best life has to offer. I love how you care about other people and how they are feeling. You love all of your aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents so much. I have been told many times by many different people that just hearing your voice or seeing you makes them feel happier and in a better mood.

Some people just have an "IT" factor. You really do have "IT". People respond to you in such amazing ways. You love your music, dancing, and ice skating. You always stand by me at home which can drive daddy crazy. Girls rule after all.

I love that you love to hang out with mommy and would much rather stay home with me than go anywhere else. I too would much rather stay home with you. I get very sad when I drop you off so that I can go to work. I am sorry that I couldn't' be a stay at home mom with you.

There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. I will always be there for you no matter what. You can tell me anything and everything. I will be your best friend whenever you need me.

I love you more than words!
Mommy

Gone

I am hoping the sickness that has covered our house over the past few weeks is officially gone. Belle was actually able to go back to school today. YEAH!!!! Even though I am been fighting something off and on so far it hasn't been too bad. So hopefully that stays that way.

We had a good weekend. Didn't do too much which is the way I like it. Even though we spent a few hundred getting our car fixed (bearings-UGH) we didn't let that put a damper on our weekend. Yesterday I didn't leave the house. That is so hard for me to do since I usually have to run errands until I want to scream.

Tonight I am hoping that we are feeling well enough still for Belle and I to go out and play in the snow. The snow from last week had started to melt a little bit but we got another few inches last night. It is the fluffy soft kind. I hope it will be good enough to make a snowman. My poor deprived daughter has never been able to make one yet. Usually the good snowman making snow happens on a day that I work and by the time I get home it is just too hard. But I am determined to make it happen this evening if we are feeling good. It is so much fun to play in the snow and then go in and have hot cocoa. I remember doing that so many times as a child. I want Belle to have that sort of fond memories also.

Anyway, boo hoo it is Monday and not that I want to wish my life away but I hope this week goes by fast. At least the parts that I have to work.

Happy Monday.

Tired of Feeling Guilty

My girl has been sick off and on for a couple of weeks now.

At first she had a really runny nose and low grade fever.

That cleared up and then she had a sore throat for a few days.

That cleared up and now she has a really bad cough, fever, runny nose, and who knows what else. She had a fever all weekend. Her nose wouldn't stop running all day Saturday. But thankfully she has stopped going through her tissues at a rate of one per minute. I finally had enough and took her to the doctor yesterday afternoon. She goes into these coughing attacks that I fear will make her throw up sometimes. It also sounds very wheezy.

I left work early and picked her up from my SIL's house. On the way in the car I told her we were going to the doctor and she just about screamed her head off. On one hand that wouldn't have been too bad since that would have taken care of her cold but on the other hand it is a really cute head. I understand her anxiety as the last time we were there in December she received 5 shots. Not a pleasant visit at all unless you count the 5 stickers she got as a reward.

So we are at the doctors office and I reassure her that she won't have to take her clothes off this time and she won't be getting any shots. The doctor comes in and looks in her ears, mouth, and listens to her back and chest. She said her lungs sound clear and tells me a certain kind of cough medicine to get that lasts 12 hours. Then Belle coughs. The doctor says, "Ohhh. That doesn't sound like a normal cold cough." And I thank God that she heard her cough because that is why I am here. It doesn't sound good. So the doctor says she wants to listen to her breath again. She says she still sounds ok. But.....gives me a prescription for Singgulaair to help in case she has inflammation that is causing her cough to sound like that. If not better by Thursday or definitely by Friday, I am to call her and she will probably have me get her a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. Oh how I hope this clears up by then.

All the while in the back of my mind is the fact that I can't keep taking off of work. I will run out of time before I get out of January at this rate.

I hate taking her out in the now freezing cold weather because I want her to get better. I hate having to worry about do I stay with her, do I take her to my SIL's house, what do I do, what do I do back and forth in my head.

Oh how I wish I could be a stay at home mom. So much less stress. I am a much better person when I don't have to worry about work.


*Update: Yeah-had to call in sick to work yesterday. Belle woke up at 3am with an earache. Now she is on antibiotics as well as her other medicines. UGH!

Childs Play

Have you ever felt so alone that it feels like there is no one who would care if you were around or not?

I get in funks sometimes that are stupid. I know my daughter would care if I weren't here. I think my husband would care. I know my sister would care.

My sister is my best friend. I would tell her anything. I often do tell her anything. I know she has told me "stuff" too. She is the first person I call when I need to celebrate, vent, or just chit chat. But I don't always feel like I am the first person she calls. I know there are times when I am not. That always hurts me.

She is not the only one like this. For some reason it seems people forget about me. I am a good friend. I care about people. I try to be there for them. But it always seems that they don't need me as much as I need them. I am really not a needy person. I am actually a pretty stubborn person who would do something by myself rather than ask someone else to do it for me.

In my funks I stop calling people. I am always the one who calls. I don't really keep tabs but I don't need to. It is obvious.

My sister works for the same company I do but just on another floor. Normally we call each other every day even though we don't always get to see each other. Well it has now been since last week that I have not called her. And she has not called me either. We see each other on Thursday nights at ice skating but other than that I haven't talked to her in a week. She did send me an email on Monday morning telling me she won a raffle but that was it.

I was looking over a local TV stations website and they did a story about infertility. My sister is having problems getting pregnant and they are not sure why. I know this affects her and she knows that no matter how she is feeling I will listen to her. I have told her before that the way she feels doesn't need to be justified because no matter what it is how she feels and that is OK. Within the article it gave the man's perspective and there was a line that told people to call even if the other person was never calling them.

I emailed her the link to the article because I thought she may find it interesting. She is on the phones quite a bit at work but no reply. I am still being childish. But I know I will call eventually. My funks don't usually last that long.

These funks just give me a sad feeling that I am not as important to that person as they are to me. Or that is the perception even if it is inaccurate.

I Want A Flu Shot

In December it was once again time to take Belle for her yearly check up. I scheduled her appointment for the 18th.

For about a month or so I have been talking about her going to the doctor for this and she would always ask me about getting shots. She saw my arm in October when I got my flu shot from work. Back then I told her that it didn't really hurt. That it only felt like a little pinch and then it was all done.

Fast forward to December and she wants to know if she too can get a flu shot when we go to her appointment. I am always telling her we will see.

So we are in the car on our way. Everything is hunky dory. Her pediatrician is the greatest. She is nice and caring and the kids can tell it is genuine. We go through all of the formalities of height, weight, and safety concerns. Yes she is still in a car seat instead of a booster seat due to her weight. She is just at the height level for a booster but sadly not the weight. I would probably have to weight until she was at least 6 but I think I will move her in the summer. But I digress.

I know she is due for shots but Belle doesn't. I didn't want her to get all freaked before we got there even though she has been requesting a flu shot.

Her doctor informs me that they are out of one of the immunizations she needs. Plus they don't have the flu shot in her dose for her size. They do have it in the lower dose of which they could give her 2. So now we are up to a total of 5 shots if she still wants her flu shot. I ask Belle to make sure she understands and she says she still wants it. But we decide to come back another day to let the nurse give the shots so that they can all be done in one visit. I was afraid if they did all but the one they were missing Belle would not want to come back.

Daily she began to ask me if we could go to the doctor's to get her shots. Can we go today?? Can we? Can we? It was like I was in the twilight zone.

I had time off around the holidays. I took her back and told the nurse that she was looking forward to seeing her doctor give the shots because I had explained that she does it so fast that the caps to the needles are flying through the air landing everywhere. The nurse said she can make that happen. Buuuutttt, we should do the shots in her arms and not her thighs due to the flu shot. OKkkkkaaaaayyyyyy. (now I am very leery)

When she was 2 I held her on my lap but this time they just wanted me to hold her hands.

They inserted that first needle and the look of horror on Belle's face was something I don't think I will forget. It was hard to watch her break into tears and try to squirm away and me having to hold her.

At one point the nurse picks up stuff as she is going and tosses it through the air. The last shot she got hurt the worst. According to the nurse that particular one burns a bit.

I just held her in my arms as she still sat on the table. I felt so bad. I put her shirt back on her which was a chore since she didn't want to lift her arm. And I could only get one sleeve of her coat on her. The other arm stayed at her side and was zipped inside for warmth.

When we were in the car she told me that she never wants another shot and she will not have another shot. Bad mommy that I was I forgot to bring her some tylenol or motrin to help with the pain. And of course the office didn't have any samples.

I asked her if ice cream would help. She said maybe so I took her to Cold Stone.

Paranoid

I try not to watch the news. It only disturbs me to my core more often than not.

This weekend I heard the headlines that there were two boys found alive after having gone missing. The one was gone for years.

These boys have been returned to their respectful families who are simply put overjoyed. I would be too if I was those families.

Although I often wonder if I could survive if something unspeakable were to happen to my daughter. I think I would become useless and die of a broken heart. I would like to think I am stronger than that but I fear I am not. I would be living out those moments in my head and trying to conjure up the image of what she would be going through. As I type this it makes my heart skip a beat and my hands shaky. My imagination would be worse than anything real (I hope).

Years ago as a teenager I was in a car accident. I was driving along the freeway minding my own business when a car tried to pass another car in the high speed lane by going into the burm. They lost control and swerved across several lanes of traffic to hit me dead on the driver's side door. It pushed my little camero into the next lane. I pulled over to figure out what happened and realized that the car that hit me was still driving. I thought to myself, Hell no! There was no way I was going to let them get away. I put it into drive and sped after them. They hit a few other cars as they sped along but I kept up and got behind them. I stayed there long enough to get the license plate number. I chanted that number all the way to my house. My parents came running out to find out what happened as I tried to pry myself out of the car on the passenger side. And all I could say was to call the police. I ran inside and wrote down the number before I could forget it. The police came and took the report. They said they had other reports of a hit and run driver on the loose.

This was the end of my camero but it began my fear of strangers and the world. The police ended up catching this guy the next day when he decided to go home. They matched the paint on his car to mine. He of course had no insurance, no job, and no way to pay for the damage he caused. We had to sit in court while the judge questioned him. He got off scot free. But he looked at me directly with his eyes saying I will not forget that you were the one who called the police.

After that I always felt that there was someone watching my house. My address was on the police report as was his. He may have never even thought about tracking me down but the fear was there.

I hated to let the dog out at night. There are too many shadows that I cannot see if anyone is standing there. I hate to be home alone at night. I especially hate to be alone all night.

On most days I can deal with this. But I am still always locking the doors. I am still afraid. I try not to pass this fear on to my daughter but I want her to be somewhat afraid of this world. If anyone is watching Belle I expect them to keep their doors locked as well. Even in the summer and you would have the patio door open. I expect them to close and lock it to go to the bathroom or the basement. Even if only for a minute. Too many kids have been taken from their homes.

In the news report this morning they said that over 1 million children are reported missing every year. That is an awful lot of children. I am sure some run away. Some are returned home unharmed. But what about the rest? My husband questioned this number. He said what happens to all of these kids?

My only reply was to say, "Now you see why I am so paranoid."

Lurkers

Hi All,

Anyone out there?

Not sure if I have any but are there any lurkers out there?

Hellllloooooo??????

Forgot

I just have to put this in writing before I forget about it.

At the ice show they perform shortened versions of the actual stories. Well during one of the stories a large dragon came out. It was chasing The Prince from Sleeeeping Beautyy around the ice and also breathed fire.
While this dragon was on the chase

Belle says, "That thing is freaking me out. I am afraid he is going to get him!".

I looked at her and said, "Did you say it was freaking you out?"

She replies, "Yes. It is freaking me out. I thought it was going to get him."

My reply, "You, crack me up babe. Are you scared? Was it scary?" through my laughter.

It was quite good.

Sickness

Belle is sick. She has been all week. Monday night and Tuesday were probably the worst. She is so congested it is crazy. So now you know what I have been doing most of the week.

Thankfully she was much much better yesterday by the time I got home from work. I was getting worried that we wouldn't be able to use our tickets to see Dinsey Princessessss on Ice. Of all of the shows this is the one she would want to see.

And it was really good. One of my favorites. But then it is all about the princesses in my house. We spent way too much money on the "stuff" that they sell. Belle really wanted to get cotton candy but we said no many times. It was $10 for goodness sake. Granted you got a pathetic gold plastic crown with micky ears (notice the sarcasm dripping from these words-crown so not worth the money). She had a great time and her face was lighting up as she talked about it when she was going to bed. But it was freezing cold outside and since she has been sick and we had to walk outside from our car to get in I had her wear her princess glitter jeans with her princess shirt/sweater. There were many girls dressed up in their dresses and of course Belle wanted to know why I didn't have her wear hers. I tried to explain but she was still unhappy about that (at least for a moment). It started at 7pm and we were home by 9:30pm so it wasn't too bad. It didn't feel like a short show either.

I hope she is still feeling better today. I hope. I hope. I hope.

Kindergarten

I signed Belle up for her kindergarten classes this morning.

As I sit her looking back at this morning a few things surprise me about myself.

1) I nearly forgot all about it. I don't know if I was subconsciously trying to block this from my brain (and heart) or what the deal is.

2) I wasn't the least bit upset when I went. When I left. Or anytime in between. Even now I am not sad about this. And that really surprises me as I was in tears looking at all of the little heads in the school bus last fall thinking soon that would be Belle.

Now as I ponder these things and try to figure out why I can't really. The only thing I think is that it will really hit me when it is time for her to go for her assessment on February 21st or when she actually starts school. I also wonder if the fact that I had to fork over $325 this morning also put a damper on my sobs.

But she is enrolled in all day everyday kindergarten at this point. I can't believe it's true.

Bring On the Cold

Well not the flu cold but the cold weather. Now don't get me wrong, I don't like to be cold or anything. It is just that the weather has been so wacky. I mean really wacky.

It is now January. I shouldn't be able to go outside in a t-shirt to get the dog inside from doing his business and not be freezing for it.

But I can.

Well today it is actually cold but by the end of the week it won't be. But cold is in the 30's. That is still not as cold as it gets.

It is true I would rather be cold than hot. I can always put on more clothes. But lets face it there are only so many clothes you can take off before the cops are called. And the cops would be called. I can hear it now. 911 what's your emergency? Please come quick there is a lady running around without her clothes on. I know it is hot but can you please tell her to get dressed!

Oh yeah. Wacky weather.

If it doesn't get cold soon this summer is going to be bad. really.really.bad...

Everyone will be sick since the germs will not be killed off in the winter. And the bees. Can we all say stay under the protective gear. And who knows what else I cannot think of. All I know is when we have an extremely mild winter then summer is a bear. I can't remember if it is overly hot or not but just overall not pretty.

So I say bring on the cold. It doesn't have to snow but if it does all I ask is that it doesn't snow in the streets.

OUCH

Last night we resumed our ice skating classes. I was very happy that the teacher we have now learned as an adult herself. I actually learned as a child but hadn't skated in a bazillion years.

So I am really learning all over again and last night we were doing spins. I got myself so dizzy that I fell. I didn't really fall too hard but I landed square on my knee cap. Now this knee was already in bad shape from my overcompensating from my heel spur and the fact that it got twisted over the weekend from fooling around with J and Belle.

So now it is really in bad shape. But I am determined to get back on my skates next week. Even if it is still hurting.

Belle is doing good in her class as well. I was glad to see that this session there were only 3 girls (including Belle). Maybe she will get some better instruction from her very young teacher. I have been trying to bide my time without really causing a problem. But I have been watching very carefully to see if she learns new things. So far they keep learning the same thing over and over and over again. This is now the 3rd session there should be some progression from the 1st session. Plus I have seen Belle getting off the ice and I have had to go get her before her teacher would even notice. That is not good in my eyes. I feel if it is too much for her teacher to keep track and teach all of these little kids then she should have help. But we shall see how it goes this time.

Maybe if I could lose some weight my skating would be better yet but with my heel and knee problems it has really put a damper on my workouts. I hate being in this catch 22 phase.

Christmas Morning

I am going to be the most embarrassing mom one of these days but as long as she will let me I am going to take a picture of Belle when she wakes up in her bed on Christmas morning and then video tape her walking down the stairs to see the Christmas tree. This year she came down and looked and proclaimed that Santa had not come. All those presents were the wrapping paper we had and not Santa's. I told her to look a little closer because I didn't have the light green princess wrapping paper. She went over and looked at it a little closer. Then said that was my paper. So we went back a forth a few times about the wrapping paper.

Then it dawned on her to look at the dining room table. That is where we carefully picked out cookies and put them on a plate with a glass of milk for Santa.

She looked at them and then her whole face lit up as she said, "He did come! He really did! You can always tell by the cookies if Santa was there or not!"

I better not ever forget to drink some of the milk so the glass looks like it was used (I pour out the rest so it doesn't sit out all night but I DO NOT rinse the glass) and to make it look like the cookies were eaten. I usually leave some crumbs or half cookies because even Santa can only eat so many.

It was the cutest thing ever. Well maybe not ever but it was cute.

Then after she opened her gifts and had to play her keyboard we have her on video singing All I want for Christmas is a Hippopotamus. Now that was the cutest ever. No crocodiles. Or rissasaurasusss.

Too funny....

Happy New Year

What do I wish for this new year? I am not sure. Probably my good ole standbys of health and wealth for myself and all those I care about. I am not big on making formal new years resolutions. Not many people ever stick to them.

This year brings so many changes to my life. My daughter will start Kindergarten in the fall. I need to sign her up next week. She will no longer be going to my sister-in-laws everyday. I will need to look into what to do with her on the days the schools are closed. She is growing up so fast. I am really struggling with her turning 5. It seems so silly but I just can't get over it. I am very happy and grateful that she is growing up. But I am just so sad too. She still needs me and loves me unconditionally. But those days are numbered. It will truly break my heart the day she says, "I hate you" and really means it at that moment. I really need to get over it but I just can't. Not yet....

I also get very depressed when it is time to take down the Christmas lights and tree. We did that yesterday. Everything just seems especially stark and grey for the rest of the winter. I wonder if it would seem the same if it were always sunny and warm year round.

Humph.......(big big big sigh)